If you were a control freak then you’re struggling because you are feeling the loss of control. Your brain doesn’t like that so it’s trying to get you to pursue your W and get her to apologize and to recommit to the marriage so you feel in control again. That’s why you are thinking up these false ultimatums. That’s what this is all about. It has nothing to do with your W. She’s just a lever to get you what you want which is to feel in control again. With time and distance you will see this clearly.
This is exactly what I was thinking, but I was a bit more reserved in pointing it out than you LH19 🤣.
These two ultimatum messages in short order concern me because they potentially flag an issue with control. It suggests to me that FM is really struggling with the loss of control which can be very hard, especially for men, with a sudden bomb drop.
That often leads to desperate attempts to put everything back to normal quickly, such as threats, emotive messages, “if you don’t do x then I’ll do y”, or things to create jealousy.
I think FM that you should explore these issues in IC.
She has decided to leave already… so threatening her is only going to reinforce that she has made the right decision.
Agreeing with her excitedly, being confident, happy and indifferent to her is much more likely to make her slow down and think about it.
In my experience, women often want what they don’t have. If they know they have something (you desperately pining for them to stay) it’s a massive turn off.
