I know that your relationship with OM is more than friends. This is disrespectful to me, the kids and yourself. For me It is unacceptable behavior that a married woman acts in these ways. I will not allow my children to be part of this situation either. I know I cannot stop or control your behaviors, nor do I want to, but This relationship is not working for me and I am moving forward without you. If you decide that you want to work on this marriage and this family you can let me know and we will see if that option is still available. I will also have zero tolerance for this guy or any guy to be in or around our marital home and to have any contact with our minor children. I pray that you find what you are looking for.”
Hi FwdMvmt,
I mean, it sounds like you're angry and lashing out with a speech, which runs counter to Sandi's rules.
What are you trying to say? A clear message requires few words.
Originally Posted by FwdMvmt
I will not allow my children to be part of this situation either. I know I cannot stop or control your behaviors, nor do I want to.. I will also have zero tolerance for this guy or any guy to be in or around our marital home and to have any contact with our minor children.
Can you see how mixed up this message is? 1) You say you realize you don't control her and you shouldn't control her because--she's an adult and an equal parent. That's great, so your plan of action is.. (2) to try to control her by telling her what she can and can't do?!.. (3) which is obviously futile because she's an adult, and paints you as a controlling person. (4) She may even take your attempt to control her as a challenge and do the opposite to demonstrate her independence.
Originally Posted by FwdMvmt
For me It is unacceptable behavior that a married woman acts in these ways.
I fire an employee when their behavior is unacceptable. You propose words without apparent action. While it irks some people when I say so, I revived a relationship here for a couple of years, and I have an XW who wants me back. See Sand's Rules, which are pinned and take a more positive and less wordy approach to salvaging relationships--
Originally Posted by "Sandi's Rules"
12. Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) This is important! If you do, then you have blown it.
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. This can confuse some of them b/c it is not what they expected. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around all the time, somebody that can be attractive and fun to be with. That somebody is you! Don't overkill in your attempts to outshine another person your spouse may be having an A with (if there is OP in the picture) to the point of looking like your attempts are "fake" b/c your spouse will see through all of that.
