I worked today. And I really enjoyed myself. It was nice taking a break from the manager role. It was kind of busy, but good busy. I worked for the first time with this weekend case manager who worked there for a little bit but we never worked together. I heard she was kind of nervous every time she worked and was unsure of herself. I took her under my wing today and taught her everything I knew, how to make it less “scary” and encouraged her. She did really well and she felt much more comfortable after following me and me explaining and guiding her. the social workers I worked with were great fun we had enjoyed all Working together. One is kind of new, she was an intern on my unit. The other doesn’t work there that often, so I helped them out a bit and we all tackled the cases together. I had a case on my old unit, and I went up there and I got hugs all Around and like genuine excitement to see me. Like totally genuine. By the doctors as well. I really do miss working on that unit a lot .
We had kind of a problem case I had to reach out to my manager about. It’s a bigger problem because I grew up with the patients brother, so it would be a conflict of interest for me to meet with them at the bedside with such a delicate situation. Patient is his younger brother in alcoholic liver failure. They are a well to do family with lots of money. They made a stink because they want us to force patient to go to alcohol rehab, but we can’t. It got a little nutty. It’s really sad and you never know what a family is going through.
But I realize this is my “tradition”. I feel GOOD when I’m at work ( this job anyways) I didn’t think about my sitch. I genuinely enjoyed what I was doing and I enjoyed the people I was around. Some people say volunteer on the holidays you are alone as a tradition. Well, I get paid, but I do volunteer to work and allow those who have family or a special someone to spend their holiday with be able to do so. So it’s a good and selfish deed at the same time, but it is what makes me feel good. I could have been home all day feeling sorry for myself.
I came home, put Christmas music on, started aggressively cleaning, poured some wine and I don’t feel like crying. I’m going to put my favorite Christmas movie on soon and start wrapping presents.
And getting up in the morning and getting ready and going to work is what makes me feel good when I have to wake up alone. I don’t want to have to wait around for her to get home. I’ll go work with some really cool people again, the day will go fast, I get 2 free meals at work, and then I come home to my girl.
I can get through this. Sure, I’ve got this little void in my heart and soul. I almost made some unhealthy decisions but I didn’t. I’m going to be okay.
