Is it acceptable ... her response will be something like you're spying on her, if you mention the text messages.

Is it acceptable --- there's a balance between protecting the anonymity of the qualifier and enabling bad behavior. Your families presumably know the history? Things to consider:

1. would telling people make it more difficult for her in the long run? If we can't help someone we certainly should not hurt them.

2. why do you want to tell people? what's your motive? What do you want to be the result? If you want to live an authentic life in full transparency, then consider the ramifications of what you're contemplating. what would be the unintended consequences to you, your children, extended family?

Every action you take needs to be because it aligns with your core values. Have you taken the time to figure those out? The conversation needs to shift from what she's doing to what YOU want and how you want to live your life moving forward.

I'm sorry, but I really think you need to cut her loose in the short term. Who are we to deprive someone of their bottom? Really contemplate that. If she perceives you as the roadblock to her sobriety, her happiness, her wellbeing, there is nothing you can do or say to change her mind, except perhaps giving her what she wants. You do you. Stay in your lane. Model the behavior you want your kids to exhibit.

I know this is some of the most difficult terrain to navigate. I know you're working hard. Keep going.

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver