Sadly, I’m the only one celebrating the loser Christmas, lol. My few single friends have big families and I don’t know anyone in my situation. But I do a lot of stuff around the holidays. I’ve been to a few holiday parties and did the traditional stuff with my daughter and Her BFF and we went to my dads this weekend to go see this famous house in their area.
It’s all good and fun and I truly do enjoy myself whole do these things and I’m not miserable while doing them. It’s the deep-seated feelings that are still there. They get covered up by these activities for a bit, but they are still there. And I think I just have to feel it. I can’t make this very visceral feeling just go away. Sometimes I think we just have to live with the pain of a situation, acknowledge the pain , and go about our lives.
I read your gratitude challenge posts BF and I really do enjoy them. I have gratitude, that’s for sure. And I acknowledge it often. Especially after going to the wake of a 22 year old boy ( open casket) I always have gratitude for what I do have. But like I said above, gratitude feels good, but it just doesn’t get rid of what my true emotions and feelings are regarding my own situation.
Feeling emotionally isolated is awful. While I have great friends, I don’t share this part. Stupid maybe, but I don’t . I deal with all of it on my own. I can’t express it to my dad, he gets upset and invalidates my feelings . I try not to invalidate my own feelings myself while not wallowing in the negative either.
15 years is a long long time to be doing what I do on my own and emotionally isolated. It gets very heavy. And I can’t seem to get rid of it, but I do put band aids on it. But this time of the year, the band-aids fall off. I wish sometimes my daughter would realize how much I have on my plate and maybe think twice before asking for certain things. Yeah, I do feel guilty when I say no. Like she asked me to make her lunch last night and I just was exhausted and I said no. She was using that time to curl her hair. She’s not asking for anything crazy, but it all adds up and it’s sooo much for one person. I think the hardest part for both of us is that miraculously, all of her friends have intact families. A mother and father. No one switches houses, shares holiday, they both have 2 parents contributing towards the home. And I’ve done a pretty good job of trying to keep up with Jones’s single-handedly . But I feel myself breaking down.
Spiral, if it involves champagne and a level of debauchery, those who know me, knows it’s right up my alley!
My few single friends have big families and I don’t know anyone in my situation
That doesn't stop you from starting an annual holiday party tradition, perhaps the week before Xmas.
It doesn’t. But it isn’t my thing. And it’s a busy week for me. Work holiday dinner tonight, last min shopping, etc. honestly, it would probably stress me out more. And if I thought it really would make me feel better, I would. But it would stress me out up until the moment ( I hate planning get together, but I love attending them). It would feel better during the event, and then go back to how I felt. Because it’s deep and visceral. My feelings aren’t fleeting or superficial. I feel this to my core sadly. I just learn to live with it.
Friends from my old job and I next Wednesday are going out for happy hour. Everyone is busy this week, so it would have never worked.
And trust me, it’s more than just having a boyfriend. I think when we marry we build a family. When we date , we get brought into a family. My best Christmas Eve I didn’t have my kid was the one with M. Not just because I had him. Because that was the night I met his family. I had dinner with his brother and sister in law and mother. We had such a great time. I felt loved and accepted. Not isolated and lonely. The loved and accepted and a part of a family. And that’s what goes deep.
Which is why I keep pushing for you to consider "chosen family" as a good alternative. And the get-together could be as simple as a potluck wine-and-cheese get together with a few girlfriends to watch Love Actually. (Or Die Hard lol).
it takes less than one minute a day to sit quietly and type out a list of three small things you are grateful for. doing it every day for a week ... at most 7 minutes out of 10,080 minutes in your week.
Why do it?
Because it is a practice that snaps one out of a negative spiral.
The question is, why won't you take that time?
Because we both know you will take the time to type out excuses for why you can't do this that will take a whole lot more of your time than actually taking a small step towards a more positive frame of mind.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
BF, I do it every day in the shower, actually. Lol. I may not write it down, but my best thoughts come in the shower. Sometimes it’s in the moment to. I stop and say it out loud.
What I am trying to say is that I actually do it, even if it isn’t in the same form as writing it down. And i like doing it. I also do it with D most days. Sometimes it’s something big I’m grateful for. Yesterday it was even though I was having a really challenging work day, I was grateful to have employees who actually reached out to ME to ask if they could help.
I believe we can count our blessings while still feeling the emotions of something that is painful to us.
Not trying to tell you G that your pain isn't real or legit - it is. But all suffering comes from desire, as Buddhists say, and focusing on making a new tradition for you to look forward to may make your suffering less.
I know, K. I just definitely am not lying at home wallowing in my pain. Actually, my GAL game is too strong. I’m just tired! I have surrounded myself with people and festivities the last 2 weekend, I will do so tonight as well. And tomorrow night my dad his wife are coming over because they take D Christmas stocking shopping. And we will have dinner and watch the hockey game. It’s just there deep down inside
