Sadly, I’m the only one celebrating the loser Christmas, lol. My few single friends have big families and I don’t know anyone in my situation. But I do a lot of stuff around the holidays. I’ve been to a few holiday parties and did the traditional stuff with my daughter and Her BFF and we went to my dads this weekend to go see this famous house in their area.
It’s all good and fun and I truly do enjoy myself whole do these things and I’m not miserable while doing them. It’s the deep-seated feelings that are still there. They get covered up by these activities for a bit, but they are still there. And I think I just have to feel it. I can’t make this very visceral feeling just go away. Sometimes I think we just have to live with the pain of a situation, acknowledge the pain , and go about our lives.
I read your gratitude challenge posts BF and I really do enjoy them. I have gratitude, that’s for sure. And I acknowledge it often. Especially after going to the wake of a 22 year old boy ( open casket) I always have gratitude for what I do have. But like I said above, gratitude feels good, but it just doesn’t get rid of what my true emotions and feelings are regarding my own situation.
Feeling emotionally isolated is awful. While I have great friends, I don’t share this part. Stupid maybe, but I don’t . I deal with all of it on my own. I can’t express it to my dad, he gets upset and invalidates my feelings . I try not to invalidate my own feelings myself while not wallowing in the negative either.
15 years is a long long time to be doing what I do on my own and emotionally isolated. It gets very heavy. And I can’t seem to get rid of it, but I do put band aids on it. But this time of the year, the band-aids fall off. I wish sometimes my daughter would realize how much I have on my plate and maybe think twice before asking for certain things. Yeah, I do feel guilty when I say no. Like she asked me to make her lunch last night and I just was exhausted and I said no. She was using that time to curl her hair. She’s not asking for anything crazy, but it all adds up and it’s sooo much for one person. I think the hardest part for both of us is that miraculously, all of her friends have intact families. A mother and father. No one switches houses, shares holiday, they both have 2 parents contributing towards the home. And I’ve done a pretty good job of trying to keep up with Jones’s single-handedly . But I feel myself breaking down.
Spiral, if it involves champagne and a level of debauchery, those who know me, knows it’s right up my alley!
