Living With WAW 4

[BL42]

DW17,

Keep on crushing it as a dad. Even if they don't verbalize it your older kids know exactly what's up and will appreciate you were there being their rock. It's a shame W is choosing to miss out on it - she very well may regret that someday.

Every time she does this I hear “When you engage, you lose.” It’s some of the best advice I’ve gotten!

Indeed. Another great one is “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”

Our 18th anniversary was yesterday and I didn’t even really care. I actually forgot about it until the afternoon. W didn’t mention it until the evening when she jokingly asked if I was going to buy her flowers and I just said no and continued with what I was doing.

I would have said no but I bought myself a new shirt.

Haha, great line.

It’s weird. Reflecting on things now, it’s kind of sad. I’m not sure if my feelings are a good thing or a bad thing, but things just seem more peaceful when W isn’t around. Much different from a few months ago when I couldn’t even sleep when she was gone. Is this how detachment feels, or am I starting to give up? I'm not sure.

It is sad. And the sadness will come and go for quite some time. But as DnJ says feelings are fleeting and they'll be happy times too.

Good you're getting more at peace with her absence. IHS is tough, no doubt. You'll get even more peace after separation. There are silver linings to a bad situation. You need to resign yourself to her decisions/actions. Just release control and go with the flow and enjoy your life regardless. Easier said than done but find that inner peace. It's odd, I was always left brain analytical thinker but understand the eastern philopshies and concepts of mindfulness and Zen a whole lot better now after BD/separation/D.

Those feelings you are noticing - you don’t have to do anything about them. Notice them, acknowledge them, ponder momentarily why you might be feeling them - and then get on with your life.

Every feeling/thought/change in life doesn’t need action. You’re going through something horrible, you’re bound to have strong feelings about it from time to time.

Agreed.