Letting Go

[BL42]

Drh2001,

Good to hear from you. I remember your sitch well. ExW seemed a bit crazy to move across state lines and so far away. I remember thinking and probably commented that she'd really end up on the losing end of the relationship with your girls, especially with them being in activities and having friends...etc. They weren't going to want to be so far away. I'm sure it's draining handling all the day to day but it'll be rewarding. Your girls will know the man their father truly is and appreciate it.

Glad you have both girls in therapy. They'll need it with their mother abandoning them and going to live out of state with OM and his 3 kids - she's there more for them than her own, no doubt.

One of the thing she was supposed to do was get life insurance as part of the marital settlement agreement.

You're completely justified in enforcing the D agreement, but wonder if a life insurance policy is worth fighting over? Your girls only have a few more custodial years left and what are the odds that ExW dies? So it seems like more than likely it'd be a non-factor? I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something, but not sure it's worth your aggravation.

It's for the kids and protects the child support you give me.

We have 50/50 custody but in reality I get much more than this because of her choice as to where she lives and works.

Does ExW make more than you? If it's technically 50/50 why are you receiving child support? Granted, probably deserved because it sounds like you're providing the vast majority of effective custody and majority of heavy lifting.

As if that wasn't enough I feel she is trying to emotionally blackmail me. She chose to move to a nearby state when OM sold up last year and moved to and now she is realizing she doesn't have the kids that much. She feels my youngest daughter would be better off living with her but the divorce papers say both kids will live with me in the marital home and go to the same school.

I would no agree to having your daughter move in with ExW if I were you. They're in their home base, in the school they're familiar with, and have a stable dad providing care. Stand up and enforce the D agreement here. Do lot let her take your daughter out of state. Who knows what will come up with ExW, OM, and the other kids in that situation.

That said, your girls must be getting close to 18 right? The time will come quickly when they'll be choosing for themselves so just be ready and accepting of their choices when it's time.

I do the school run, take them to their medical apts and I got them in therapy. My name is on all the documents. She has done barely anything.

Good for you for being the girls' rock.

I'm then told "if I loved her that much I'd at least try" to let my daughter live with her and "I've never heard of a father keeping his kids from their mother if that's what they want."

What BS. She moved away from her daughters! She's not thinking of what is best for them - she's thinking of what's best for her. Let those comments roll off you.

I am concerned that exW might try to influence her to leave me and go live with her.

She may. Like I said above your girls are almost out of high school. You'll have to accept what they decide. Keep being the best dad you can be. Though you might have periods where they go to W more at some point and it might hurt, and deep know they'll know who was there for them and will appreciate you for it.

In the three years she left me she has shown zero remorse for her actions

Seems pretty common around here.

and is even more resentful that I have the kids more.

She only has herself to blame for that. So naturally she's projecting it onto you.

I don't see WW at all - she comes to get the kids then brings them back. I only communicate through gmail calendar. The other app was too much of a temptation since it had IM capability. Now that I've removed that app I'm more at peace.

Good. I think that's prudent.

For the letting go part I have completely detached emotionally.

Are you? Maybe I'm wrong, but get the sense of some real bitterness and anger towards ExW in your post still. Which is completely justified based on her treatment of you, but you'll need to work through and process to get over it yourself...for your own good. Are you in IC?