Yes, at times the path gets pretty difficult. There were times I endured the day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Literally, minute by minute during the worst of it.
Some of my first advice to you was: We all require a certain amount of understanding before we can/will let go. That’s what you are doing. Working to understand. Working to rationalize. All normal and healthy.
You have been placed / forced upon a path not of your choosing. Mindfulness being one of the many lessons along the way. Keep moving forward, you are doing fine. And I am sure you will find your way and become one of the folks who embrace this golden opportunity.
You were mentioning hope. Working to keep it, hang on to it, and such. The reconciliation stories and threads, an extension of that. I suspect you will find, like I did, your hope will strengthen quite a bit, once you shift hope’s focus somewhat and let go / give to God.
Have faith. Trust. Let your future unfold.
Be mindful of the withdrawal I spoke about. You have your mind, your intellect, your reason, and your logic. You are most formidable (if I may state a rather obvious fact). Utilize it. While keeping your heart soft and squishy.
The path is many small steps. And yes, at times, it’s quite a slog. Keep moving forward.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
