Haven’t posted in a bit, but there’s really not much to update. Had D4’s birthday party this weekend and that went well. Went out with some friends for some drinks/trivia night. Started a 12 week half marathon training schedule. Got a bit behind with reading, but hoping to catch up this week. I was trying to read 3 books at once which was a dumb plan. No more sleep issues. D4 was sick all last week so I stayed home with her. We drove around town with D18 looking at xmas lights and decorated cookies last night. It’s been an enjoyable couple of weeks.
W hasn’t really changed at all. Still mainly avoiding the family by staying downstairs. Still upsetting the kids with her lack of involvement in the family. D18 has been pretty bummed about certain things being her “lasts” since she’s off to college next year, and her mom choosing to not be part of some of these last memories has gotten to her. W is still being irrational and is occasionally still trying to gaslight/start arguments. Every time she does this I hear “When you engage, you lose.” It’s some of the best advice I’ve gotten! At the birthday party W was basically just there – didn’t help with anything. It bothers me less and less each day, as I’ve come to expect nothing from her.
The biggest change the past few weeks has been my reactions to her behavior. I’m not sure if I don’t care anymore or what, but I feel indifferent to her even being in the house. Our 18th anniversary was yesterday and I didn’t even really care. I actually forgot about it until the afternoon. W didn’t mention it until the evening when she jokingly asked if I was going to buy her flowers and I just said no and continued with what I was doing. It’s weird. Reflecting on things now, it’s kind of sad. I’m not sure if my feelings are a good thing or a bad thing, but things just seem more peaceful when W isn’t around. Much different from a few months ago when I couldn’t even sleep when she was gone. Is this how detachment feels, or am I starting to give up? I'm not sure.
But anyway, still trying to increase my social circle. Joined a FB group of local hikers and connected with a coworker there. Once the weather is better, I’ll be doing some hikes with them. Trying to figure out plans for NYE. I might just stay home with the kids and plan a fun night. Not much else going on, just getting ready for Christmas. I hope everyone is doing well.
