WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - 1.5 Year Divorced (8)

[BL42]

Been feeling down and a bit depressed lately, probably the last month and a half. Maybe why I haven't given an update in awhile, though I guess that should be the opposite lol...

Halloween with the kiddos went well for the most part. I volunteered as a class parent to run S7's school party, which went great and it seemed like he appreciated. Unfortunately I didn't realize at the time signing up it'd conflict with D4's school parade so I felt a lot of guilt missing that, but there wasn't much I could do. My mom went instead and D4 ran over to her, hugged her, and had her walk w/D4 (even though ExW was there) so it was nice she had someone from my side. Although afterwards ExW shot me an email and said "you could've told me you were doing S7's party. Are you a class parent or something?" (I told her I wouldn't make D4's event, but not why).

Also, I took the kids to my country club's Halloween party the next night and we had a blast! They had a DJ and were rolling people up in toilet paper mummy's and there was an incredible haunted hay ride on part of the golf course which I was nervous about my kids being scared (E.g., people w/chain saws attacking the tractor) but S7 was laughing and loved it and said he wanted to be an actor next year and D4 told me "Daddy I did not like those scary men...can we do that again?! I want to do that again!!!". So sounds like they weren't scarred for life or anything. And they already want to go back to the party next year.

Both had fantastic homemade costumes (S7's was especially tricky), which they loved and looked great in. And we had some neighborhood friends over for pizza before trick-or-treating, like usual, which was fun. As for trick-or-treating itself...S7 had a blast with our neighborhood friends we always go with but ExFIL showed up before he was invited and D4 latched on to him and I was torn and caught in the middle between the two with D7 running ahead and D4 latched on to ExFIL. And then when ExFIL had to leave she was crying and having a fit. Then, halfway through I had to take them to ExW's house (we agreed to split the night), and D4 was crying about ExFIL and apparently S7 wouldn't wear his mom's costume and refused to go out trick or treating over there telling her "I was having fun, why did I have to leave my friends?". So not the ideal trick-or treating experience.

Anyway...two things that have gotten me down recently...

ExFIL has been increasingly difficult towards me and my parents since Halloween. Apparently he lost it on his W in front of my parents that night, the stress of D4 and his relationship with ExW I guess. I wasn't there but it was a scene. And since has been very gruff and a bit nasty to me and my parents for no good reason really. If anything we've gone out of our way to keep up friendly relations with him and his W considering his daughter cheated on and divorced me, inviting them to things for the kids. But he called me to ask if he could come over dressed as Santa late Christmas Eve well after the kids go to sleep and then wake them up in the middle of the night to have them "see Santa". I thought it was a horrible idea (waking them up in the middle of the night, what if they ran down and didn't want "Santa" to go and then had a meltdown, or god forbid recognized him as grandpa...just didn't think it was a good idea. So he was very mad and passive aggressive about that and hung up abruptly. And then he's emailed me about D4 and meltdowns and how if ExW and I don't work together she's going to end up self-harming herself as a teenager. And finally at a sports game he refused to even say hi to my parents - who have been nothing but nice to him - and at the end of the game I said with a friendly smile "Hey ExFIL, how are you doing today?" and he responded with "a lot of room for improvement BL42, a lot of room for improvement". For a half second I thought he was referring to the game which we won and thought he was kidding but then I realized he was directing that at me. So I thought my parents and I were doing the right thing to keep things up with them for the kids and because they didn't really wrong me, but now I'm second-guessing that relationship. Not that I need a R with them, but thought we were all trying to keep it reasonable and friendly and it's hit me a bit the things he's said. And who really knows, but it sounds like his R with ExW isn't too great at the moment either, so maybe he's just redrecting his anger about her towards me. I don't know. Seemed like ExFIL was the reasonable one and ExMIL was the crazy one, but maybe it's on both sides. Perhaps I need to set some boundaries there and back away.

Anyway the other more important thing that's weighing on me is D4. She's had a slew of major melt downs lately. She's very sweet when she's happy, but gets into a spin at times and just loses it and it's bad. Hard to know what's being a 4yo and what's the struggle with the divorce and constantly going back and forth with people and places, but feels like extra / more serious than a normal 4yo behavior. It was a really tough week the last one with the kids. It was a hard on me, especially as a single dad. So now I'm wondering about counseling for D4. After the holidays I may schedule a session with a child counselor for me and discuss recommended paths.

This past week I was out of town hosting a face-to-face meeting for a lot of people who report to me and our stakeholders. It was great to see folks in person for the first time in quiet awhile (or in some cases ever), and think the team saw value in it and got energized, so that was great. D7 and S4 got sick this week, and although I did miss them, it was nice to avoid the illness and have ExW scramble and deal with it for once (seems like it's mostly been on me over the last two years).

So anyway...ExFIL interactions and D4 meltdowns have been weighing on me, plus prepping for Christmas for the two young kids (still believers) has me stressed though my mom has helped and pre-wrapped some gifts and I did a whole bunch of shopping this weekend, so I'm feeling much more prepared now, almost ready a week in advance.

Hope everyone else is ready for the Holidays. Would love to hear if you have any thoughts.