Hi Marching! So sorry you're going through this. I was catching up on your thread and although I'm going through something similar (a bit different bc there's a baby involved!) I really appreciated you phrasing "politely icing you out".
I don't know if you felt this way, but I had wondered if these forums were appropriate for me to read, if I was even experiencing what others did since stbx was also very much "polite" about things. He even speaks highly of me to his friends and family still - I thought I was maybe in denial about how the marriage and my perception was.
Then you see here on these forums how varied cruelty can be. Just because they're not spewing hatred now (guess he kinda did in the beginning) stbx still gaslit, lied, and cheated, but of course it was not on purpose, it was because he was trying to protect his emotions and was just reflecting his people-pleasing nature in response to childhood trauma, and the cheating/divorce/lying was because he needed to be true to himself. Ok, buddy.
I'm farther along in this process than you, and yes, all will work itself out. You'll look back and realize how much stronger you are than this guy and how you deserve so much more. He's obviously in an identity crisis and he personifies the whole "believe nothing what they say and 50% of what they do" that is commonly said around here. You can't trust him because he doesn't even know what HE wants, or is. Perhaps he'll figure it out, grow up and apologize profusely and work on improving, perhaps he wont. You'll be amazing no matter what and will be fine on your own or with someone else.
