Welp

[Ginger1]

Woahhhh….. yeah, it wouldn’t be anything serious with us. I’m willing to bet he wants to get married and have kids, but no, I don’t know the actual answers yet. He’s a good fun time, an extrovert like me. I also know he’s fresh out of a relationship. And D hasn’t swam since last June with him and she wouldn’t be for a few months if she wanted to do it again because she’s so focused on cheer . But i do have to be aware. I think she would be a little weirded out. But she would never know. She does know I keep running into him.

Pros: he owns his place and has a career

I know his mom 😂😂😂 she’s D’s other swim instructor 🤣

Seriously though, I don’t know how I feel about this. I AM attracted to him ( he’s 6’4 and this burly guy with tats. It’s hot. Hotter when he has his teacher clothes on ) I’ve also seen him in a swim suit, lol. And reality is, I know he mainly wants to hook up.

No need to make any decisions now. I’m hoping one day a man comes along fully single, out of a relationship for a long time, is stable, yet fun and wants to date even past the honeymoon phase.

So, while I wait to meet that unicorn, do I have some fun until then? I think I’m getting to old for “fun” though

[bttrfly]

You don't have to respond to every guy who is attracted to you. You don't have to act on every attraction you have, especially if it's the same situation as the one you just got yourself out of. Diff guy, same sitch. If you're looking to just hook up, why didn't you just stay with hockey guy? It's a sincere question.

[Ginger1]

You don't have to respond to every guy who is attracted to you. You don't have to act on every attraction you have, especially if it's the same situation as the one you just got yourself out of. Diff guy, same sitch. If you're looking to just hook up, why didn't you just stay with hockey guy?

It's a sincere question.

I certainly didn’t act on anything, I can promise you that.
To answer your other question, even though I had feelings for hockey guy, he couldn’t even keep up with the casual. Always cancelling, never making time. I was done with it.

I had my former ICU Christmas party Saturday. Me and Friend got a room, met our doctor friend met us for a pregame drinks and apps ( he wasn’t coming to the party) and we had a blast. At the party we saw coworkers we haven’t seen in 10 years. We danced, we drank, we caught up, we had so much fun. That job and these people got me through my divorce. Work was the only place where I felt like things were “normal” when I was going through the thick of it. I’m forever grateful for that .I did not much of anything yesterday and it was wonderful.

Insane work week ahead. I’m already tired.

[Mach40]

Thanks Mach. I’ve learned in life to take situations and news that might make me feel bad and put them aside so I can go on and enjoy life and have fun. Not much has taken me “out” I’m one of those high functioning you would never even know I was having the feelings I am having types of people. Is it healthy? I dunno. That’s why I mentioned on B’s post that I allow my daughter to see me sad and vulnerable. I don’t want her to have to think she should be going through life strong as a rock and her mom has no feelings.

Its hard to let your kids see you sad and vulnerable, as they would see it. But, it does give them a bit of reality.
TV shows, and many books are fantasy, not reality.. many kids are brought up with fantasy..
By showing both sides of the fence, its healthy, in my opinion.

[Ginger1]

I’ve went back and forth deciding if I should post how im feeling right now. But I realized it’s kind of what I need to do.

I am going through yet another holiday depression. This holiday depression is coupled with stress. Work was insane last week and wore me down to the bone. There is a lot of drama at work that I don’t involve myself in and I take in stride, but today it pissed me off. These are adults way older than me. Not my direct staff, though. It’s just politics.
My daughter thinks I’m some sort of machine and needs rides here and there and wants to host things etc. I say no sometimes, but she’s doing something great for school and k won’t say no to that. She also was upset that she has friends, but they never ask her to hang out , so when she wants to host something, I make sure it happens.

Im at max capacity. I am one person. My dad and my daughter will ask me “did you do this, did you do that?” All the time which are smaller tasks, and individually seem like not much, but when there is a whole bunch of them amongst normal every day things, it’s just too much for one person. Way too much. No one seems to understand it. Balls are just being thrown at me and I hit what I can. Things certainly fall through the cracks, but that’s to be expected.

I basically feel completely alone and unsupported. I’ve been crying a lot and D sees it sometimes. I tell her the truth…. She wants to help, she does for a minute, then she of course has everything she wants and needs me to do. Not her fault.
My self care is obviously the first thing to be sacrificed. But that’s not good either. I missed the gym every day last week because of commitments and work. I forced myself to do classes on my spin bike. Today I had a 6am gym class scheduled and I almost cancelled because the callouts began at4:45 this morning. I decided to go. I’m glad I did, but I could go to sleep. And I have to pick up D from school and her friends, cook dinner, clean, laundry when I get home. I just want to crawl up in a ball.

I am also began a 7 day work stretch today. But I think I’m going to take Wednesday off. I can’t do this. I actually have though of going to the ER with a complaint of dizziness and numbness so they will keep me for a day or 2 to work me up for a stroke. ( I know the system, lol). Then I could lay in bed and someone will bring me meals and ask me if there is anything I need. I really do have these thoughts.

The hardest part is not having anyone I can lean on emotionally or physically. It’s draining after man many many years.

In the interest of full -disclosure. I remember feeling like this when I started seeing my ex. Abandoned in life. I mean, I was 18, and now I’m older and I can manage it well now and not make stupid decisions. But I have had the opportunity to make stupid decisions ( with guys) in the past week, and I could feel myself almost doing it. Of course I didn’t, but something just to make me feel good for a moment was very very very tempting. I didn’t.

I legit hate this time of the year. It’s a reminder for me of how I have no family and it’s just me. I also have to take the spirit because my D loves the holiday so much. It’s just draining. I want nothing more than to run away to an island and sip frozen beverages while reading a book

[Mach40]

Me time is important, just like family time. Keeping busy does help keep your mind off of most things.
But sometimes you have to say No.
I am sure some great suggestions will be here soon. Take care of your health too. Hot bath, glass of wine, good book.

[kml]

G -
I want you to do a mental exercise. Not for this Christmas, but for the next one.

Instead of focusing on what you DON'T have (a large happy family to spend the holidays with), I want you to focus on what you CAN have next year. What would that look like?

- A big potluck party with single friends and married friends who don't have somewhere else to be? (Could be some weekend before Xmas, or like my friend's "Loser's Xmas", which was on the evening of the 25th, or on Xmas eve. CHOSEN family can be as good or better than blood relatives.)

- A trip (to NYC, Paris, Florida, a mountain cabin in the snow?) with your daughter to celebrate Xmas before the actual date.

- My sister has a gingerbread house making party every year at her house with friends.

I'm sure others can chime in with suggestions of their own. But my point is, by focusing on what you don't have, you've been depriving yourself of these great alternatives which, if you plan them for next year, you might find are really great ways to celebrate the holiday. Right now, you're like that person who is putting off having fun until they lose weight. You're putting off having fun on the holidays until you have a boyfriend with a happy family Xmas tradition. Stop waiting on that and plan your own fun!

[BL42]

Ginger1,

Im at max capacity. I am one person.

Indeed. At times I feel pressure to do everything as well. I want to be perfect for my kids considering the situation, and it's not always possible - we have to accept that and let go. Easier said than done...

My self care is obviously the first thing to be sacrificed. But that’s not good either.

I have a tendency to do that is well, and have to do better about it. Put your oxygen mask on first...

Then I could lay in bed and someone will bring me meals and ask me if there is anything I need.

Sounds nice, but how good are those hospital meals? lol

I want nothing more than to run away to an island and sip frozen beverages while reading a book

Yes! Sounds incredible.

[Spiral]

Well, I have some ideas. A few of them ill-inspired. Some of them far too rambunctious. Most addled with more champagne than would be prudent. All of them involving the sweet aftertaste of regret in the morning. But they all start with a grandiose plan for adventure and a theme. So, that's one vote for something slightly foolish involving some bubbles.

I can sketch in some details if you're interested.

Spiral

[Rockon]

Ginger, I have thought several times about checking myself into the ER just this week and getting some attention and a break, also have been tempted to say F it and just go with the flow and see where it takes me.

Some of my really best and most solid friends have been there for me and helped me to focus and be safe.