One of the things I never said on here which I recognize today is my fault is this. 2 years ago when gf was pregnant she got COVID. I had plans with my son to go upstate for 3 days with a buddy and his son. I didn't want to let my son down so I left her home while she was pregnant and very sick. She brings that up. I am sharing this because again, I recognize I have made mistakes and some of these decisions have caused her resentment.
That’s such BS.
Resentment does NOT get built because people make selfish choices. Resentment gets built because people don’t say what they need/want, and choose to sulk about it after.
I’m sure if she was incredibly sick you would not have chosen to go.
Yes, maybe it was an inconsiderate choice - I’m not denying it definitely wasn’t your finest hour - but you did it for a reason, because you didn’t want to let your son down.
She had the option of saying “I really need/want you to stay home with me when I’m sick, please don’t go” and she didn’t (unless she did and you haven’t told us).
IMHO this “resentment” phase that WS/WAW cling to is just a bullsh*t excuse for people who choose to stay silent and then want to retrospectively blame.
If she says “don’t go, I need you here” and you stay home - everyone is happy. If she says “don’t go, I need you here” and you leave anyway, well that’s on you and she has a right to resentment. If you go so you don’t break a promise to your son and she chooses to say nothing and doesnt explain want she wants or needs, she has no right to resentment against you.
Look, none of us are, or were, perfect partners. But don’t fall into the trap of blaming yourself for everything and taking responsibility for HER resentment.
