We are living in strange times.

[BL42]

DonH,

Probably way more than you were looking for but since my story is over 15 years old, there’s a bit of a refresher for today’s participants.

Not at all - I found it quite interesting / helpful.

He had a GF at the time ex hired him in the hospital department she managed.

Is it me, or are hospital working environments a hotbed for this stuff? Anecdotal for sure, but seems like we read a lot about sitches in that environment - that's where my Ex cheated - though maybe it's like when you buy a particular car and then start noticing them all over the road.

Not long after the D was final a new higher level director fired her for having an affair/R with her employee.

I bet you got a smile out of that one.

They are still married to this day - her third and longest marriage.

Again remember how “they” claim 99% of Rs that start as affairs never make it. Not true.

I’m glad I got out of that. She has not changed. Just talking to S or D or friends confirm that. Sounds like their M is rocky and was even before they married, but with a special needs adoption now 10 - the same age as oldest granddaughter - D is a much harder option. So he has her. I hope he’s miserable because of it as I’m anything but miserable. He got what he wanted.

So would have things turned out different without OM/employee? Perhaps - but likely only until next OM was found. I’ve been told there have been others.

So you say it's not true that most Rs that start in As don't make it, but then you've heard that she's cheated on him and things have been miserable since before they were married, so while thye're technically married still and have made it to this point is it really a win for their affair relationship? Don't to mention it seems like the door's never closed on D with her, so we still don't know for sure what the future will bring and whether they will "make it" for the long run.

I have a good R with stepdaughter and her family - esp. her husband.

Is this odd at all to you? On the one hand you served as a father figure for a decade, but on the other her mom cheated on and divorced you - not a weird paradox of feelings?

In hindsight there were red flags I missed together with those I ignored.

Same here. So easy to see those flags with the benefit of hindsight, but in the honeymoon period not quite so simple.

I’m sure the security I provided was part of her attraction.

My then-W said in a MC session one of the two things she was initially attracted her to me was my stability. That always struck me as an odd thing to say - would think most don't? I guess she didn't like the stableness as much as she thought she would.

Yet she was still searching for happiness. “Let’s remodel the house, that will make me happy.” But it didn’t. Then let’s build a deck, then she wants a sorts car. Then a different job. She was always searching for something to make her happy. Then it was a baby - something I was clear I was not wanting at 40.

Yes! I can completely relate to that! And can see it both in ExW and especially ExMIL (noticed it in her first, and should've recognized it might be passed down). Constantly changing things, buying replacement items...etc. We took the whole family on a two week vacation to Europe and she mentioned was disappointed I didn't buy her an expensive piece of jewelry while there. I'm a fairly content person, but I think a lot of folks out there are chasing happiness and can't find it.