Of course I have changed. If I was the same guy as I was prior to BD I would have never stuck it out.
Tell us a little about how you changed. What is different about you after 6 months?
Originally Posted by MikeP
I treat her as if she didn't do any of this crap 99.9% of the time.
What does tha look like?
Originally Posted by MikeP
I've changed my lazy behaviors and how I interact with W.
How do you interact with her now as opposed to how you used to?
Originally Posted by MikeP
Please elaborate on how this has nothing to do with W or the om.
Affairs are acts of anger -- she has built up a ton of resentment toward you, and since she's avoidant, she hasn't given voice to any of it or worked any of it through. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong, or that you deserve her resentment, it could be completely irrational, but the point is that it exists.
Once people have affairs, they *initially* feel guilty and will beat themselves up about it, but eventually self-protection takes over and they refuse to believe that they are bad people.
So if she's not a bad person, then the reason she did a bad thing must have been because *you* drove her to it, you made her do it, and therefore *you* are the bad person and she is the victim.
Once she gets there, she'll seek any evidence to reinforce her viewpoint and will reject anything that contradicts it. That's why she will vilify you and nothing you do will be good. You simply can't win because she's an expert at confirmation bias at this point.
Virtually no one gets any real remorse -- the wayward spouse will feel sorry for themselves for "how you made them feel" about the affair, but they won't really feel remorse for their actions because they convince themselves that they were justified and that you were to blame.
