But it’s also not lost on me she was here and pretending to be happy until 2 days after her youngest’s graduation party. Then she dropped the bomb and right or wrong I was shocked.
So you think she used you to help raise her two young kids? Do you think that was the plan from the start, or at some point over the years thought she wanted out but decided to wait until they graduated?
More likely the later. She really would never tell me. She did say to several friends she got married for the wrong reasons. It was her who pushed for the marriage most certainly not me. Although in the first year or two of dating it’s pretty hard to deny she was very much in love with and wanted to be with me. In hindsight there were red flags I missed together with those I ignored. But as in many sitchs there were many and multiple things that intertwined. We both did things wrong but what could not be changed and what I less understood was her childhood with an alcoholic father who died in front of her from a heart attack when she was a teenager. She had codependent, self esteem issues but hid it well. She was rarely honest about how she felt, what she wanted, but I thought she was honest. I Remember times where it would be weeks later and she’d finally say “I was really mad at you” for something I did or said many weeks prior. She said she’s great at being independent and doing things on her own when the truth was she wanted to see me 24/7, needed my and everyone else’s attention and approval - the attention and approval she craved but never received from her father.
As her self esteem improved along with more and more work success, she changed and put less and less effort into the M. By now I had bailed her out of her upside down house and home equity mortgage - it cost into five figures to close on the sale of her house but we were married. I was already pretty financially accomplished along with being CEO of one organization and president of another. I’m sure the security I provided was part of her attraction. Yet she was still searching for happiness. “Let’s remodel the house, that will make me happy.” But it didn’t. Then let’s build a deck, then she wants a sorts car. Then a different job. She was always searching for something to make her happy. Then it was a baby - something I was clear I was not wanting at 40.
So I’d surmise she was thinking exit for at least a few years prior. But if I wasn’t able to see through her lies and hiding her true feelings before whether I should have or not, she continued to hide it. It’s hard to see waiting until her youngest was out of high school and more or less moving off on his own to cut and run not being a very conscious one. I’ve often wondered if she didn’t try to get pregnant as well and then would have just said, oh whoops sometimes BC fails. She later became pregnant at like 46 I think and miscarried - this was after D. Then tried to do a private adoption that failed, followed by finally adopting a Downs baby. I find it hard to believe this was not part of her new plan, because she would not get a baby with me so did it a different way.
Probably way more than you were looking for but since my story is over 15 years old, there’s a bit of a refresher for today’s participants.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
