What to do 4

[BL42]

LH19,

I took her out of being a divorced mom of 2 young kids 6/8) living paycheck to paycheck. I was an at home parent while she worked 60 hours a week. I did a lot with and for the kids.

We see this a lot on the board where this gets forgotten real quickly. Doug54 comes to mind.

What do you mean by this?

To me, finding someone new has to be better than what we all are or have gone through in these situations. Maybe not better than the woman I married, but she’s long gone. Being alone sounds very appealing right now.

I have said this a dozen times on here. Being alone is a thousand times better than leaving in limbo.

No doubt. 100% accurate. However, perhaps saving the marriage would be better than living alone, and if waiting in limbo helps facilitate the former...

DonH,

But it’s also not lost on me she was here and pretending to be happy until 2 days after her youngest’s graduation party. Then she dropped the bomb and right or wrong I was shocked.

So you think she used you to help raise her two young kids? Do you think that was the plan from the start, or at some point over the years thought she wanted out but decided to wait until they graduated?

This is why I think so many people who left, years down the road think "I wish I would have tried harder". Since no one is perfect it is best to be with the mother/father of your children.

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!!! In fact this is what MWD hits heavy on. Yet how many, especially women, will file for D this year thinking that’s their ticket to finally finding happiness.

Unless there's abuse or something major, likely better for all involved (W, H, and kids) to work it out. Yet unfortunately that's not what happens all too often.

MikeP,

Personally, I do not think you have changed enough. OM is not the issue.

How different are you from the day you arrived? How different are you from BD day? How different will you be on 4/2/23?

This has nothing to do with your W. It has everything to do with you and your behavior. Including how you interact with others and specifically with your W.

R2C makes a good point. The most important part of this process - and the only thing you can control - is improving yourself and becoming a better person. Don't waste all your time focusing on W and OM...make sure you're making your self-improvement you #1 priority.