What to do 4

[DonH]

Don before I answer I would like to know what you consider "better". The fact that we were all cast a side here I would argue anyone is "better."

Fair enough and I agree but based on the context you and many others put it in when saying “you’ll find someone better” to me implies better than what you thought you had and at the level you feel deserving of. Sadly what I’ve seen from many if not most is dating a bunch of people that never went anywhere to failed miserably before ending up alone. That’s just the truth if it. Seldom do I see someone divorced against their will end up super happily married and so better off there’s no comparison - leaving them so happy their wife left so they can now have such a clearly better partner. Not saying it never happens but again if the folks here are any example, the “you’re going to find someone better” platitude doesn’t often come true.

Also, crazily I do not know your story. Were you cheated on?

Great timing as my story will relate to Mike’s. Yes my ex cheated with a co-worker who was also a friend of sorts of mine - much more a neighboring fire department member. He had a GF at the time ex hired him in the hospital department she managed. I should have caught on sooner. Sadly, in a way, but heathy in other ways, I’m anything but jealous. So it didn’t bother me in the least he would help her out, do things, even went on a vacation with us. It was yet another cruise. This time one I ran. So when I say “us” there were dozens in the core group and 500 total with the total group. He and his GF broke up and ex felt so sorry for him he had to go by himself. By this time I was getting suspicious. A few months later after a HS grad party we hosted for S18 I was VERY suspicious. By then it was too late. That was on Saturday/Sunday. I was bomb dropped on Monday. Even my mom said “what does Hors Hey have to do with it”? Others had noticed him constantly following her around at the party.

I successfully DBd and had moved onto piecing by about 6 months later. Yet she worked with him and was his boss daily. I again was not jealous but should have at least tried to do something, although would it have helped? I remember having to go to a meeting at the hospital and entered near the cafeteria. Who do you think I spotted in line getting lunch together? She half axed piecing for about 6 months. The first 2 she tried. The other 4 she was going through the motions.

Not long after the D was final a new higher level director fired her for having an affair/R with her employee. She was “Devastated” until quickly finding a six figure job traveling the world for a device manufacturer. About 6 months after that I got a call from a realtor asking for my ex. It was about her offer. When I said she’s not reachable at this number the realtor asked “is this Hors hey” I said it most certainly is not. At least they bought at the very top of the realty bubble of 2008. I wonder if the house is finally worth what they overpaid for it? She finally admitted it 5 months later on Thanksgiving. Even made the kids lie to me. Yep, then she sent me an email on thanksgiving. Guess she didn’t want to wait for Christmas. Still denied ANYTHING happened between them before bomb drop. Yeah, right. They are still married to this day - her third and longest marriage. She has a very strained R with her D to this day. I have a good R with stepdaughter and her family - esp. her husband. Again remember how “they” claim 99% of Rs that start as affairs never make it. Not true.

So would have things turned out different without OM/employee? Perhaps - but likely only until next OM was found. I’ve been told there have been others. I took her out of being a divorced mom of 2 young kids 6/8) living paycheck to paycheck. I was an at home parent while she worked 60 hours a week. I did a lot with and for the kids. Do I wish we would have stayed married - not at all. I’m glad I got out of that. She has not changed. Just talking to S or D or friends confirm that. Sounds like their M is rocky and was even before they married, but with a special needs adoption now 10 - the same age as oldest granddaughter - D is a much harder option. So he has her. I hope he’s miserable because of it as I’m anything but miserable. He got what he wanted.

So that’s the story LH but Mike it’s also a cautionary tale for you with your sitch.