What to do 3

[DonH]

Mikey P I am one of the few people here who is a fan of ultimatums. Why? Because people respond to them. My son while using my car was late to responding to my texts. Son if you don’t respond to my text you will not use my car. Guess who started responding to my texts? The reason why was because he knows I will follow through. That’s when ultimatums and boundaries work when the other person knows you mean it.

I very much agree. It also falls under “you teach people how to treat you”. I keep hearing and reading about “boundaries”. They mean nothing unless there are “consequences” for crossing them. The problem is, this often only works with sane, sensible, normal people - something most WAW/WW are not. With others, people will continue to get away with what they are allowed to get away with. When they learn they cannot get away with it, they stop.

So you can play the long game and work on self improvement, GAL and eventually she will either commit back or D you in which you will most likely eventually find someone better.

Likely eventually find someone better? Based on what has happened to all of us here? That’s the thing, I’ve heard and read since my own BD coming up in 20 years ago now. I’ve yet to find that better person - at least for the long term. The better people I do find are often still married and never D’d. I see the same here and elsewhere. Sure some do, but many if not most do not. In fact MWD talks about this in her books. Yet many of the WAW are still with the “better” person they found after us. Ginger, Andrew, KML, myself and others are RL examples. We’ve not found better yet our exs are still with the same person. Doesn’t mean they are happy but it does very much refute the “you’ll find someone better” platitude. You may, many to most do not. That’s just the truth if it.