Wayward Wife help (2)

[SteveLW]

I also want to point out, as others have, that at some point almost all WWs claim emotional abuse. I am on record multiple as saying that the word "abuse" is thrown around in our society way too much. The sad part is that it waters down ACTUAL abuse.

My guess is that you were emotionally damaging at parts, but in marriage that is usually a two-way street. Most spouses give that kind of thing as much as they get. I am sure you can look back and see places where you could have behaved better, and certainly where she has.

I believe that WASs in general throw out the word abuse (whether emotional, psychological, verbal and physical) for two main reasons: First, to make the LBS feel guilty. This is especially true when the LBS starts to become emotionally detached. That loss of control over the LBS makes WASs sometimes panic, and things like "emotional abuse" get thrown out. I mentioned mbr in your last thread, I will have to try to find his threads because he went through that.

Second, is the classic justification for what they are doing. It eases their own guilt to say "LBS was abusive!". Right now she is grasping at straws to ease her own conscience, and to have others sympathize with her.

FM, the good news is that it doesn't change anything you should be doing. Keep DBing and the focus on yourself.