ouch. there's detachment, and then there's that statement ^^^
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
As far as "I have something more important"...whatever it is...watching paint dry... SHE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK ON THE MARRIAGE.....you are agreeing with her. You hear her..you are supporting her decision. Again, this is not what you say to someone when the R is in a good place.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
I have something more important = being an @$$hole about it. The point is you want to behave in a way that makes her think she's a fool for letting you leave. That comment would make me think I'm right to walk away. There are other ways to make that line in the sand which would make her regret her choices, not celebrate them.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
I am not sure saying "I have something more important to do" is being a rearhole. To me it projected high value. "We are wasting our time on MC, so I have found something more important to me to do."
FWIW I'm with bttrfly on this one. I typically agree with what R2C says, but the "I have something more important to do" line seemed to me to be a bit harsh and crossed the line from neutral, accepting, strong, playful...etc. to being negative and putting down an idea and being a little bum-hurt about it all. I agree w/all to decline the MC, but something like "MC won't be a productive use of our time unless both of us are committed to work on the marriage." And then walk away, but project an at peace, mysterious, happy about the comment...don't come off as down and depressed and hurt about it.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by bttrfly
You realize I'm a woman, right? It's always so fascinating to me when you guys start telling us women about what female attraction is or isn't.
I am very glad you are posting and hope to keep reading your POV to the newbies. We don't need an echo chamber of just men to men.
thx R2C. way to DB wink
Agreed! Not only only do we need more vets in Newbies, but diversity of thought is most welcomed. Stay, bttrfly.
Originally Posted by br4nd0n
I get that none of this matters and doesn't change what I need to do and focus on me.
Yep, you got it.
Last edited by DnJ; 12/10/2203:09 AM. Reason: Corrected quote.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
