She was remorseful at first and started counseling, AA again, SAA and started going back to church. After about a month she started blaming all the addictions on our marriage and was saying that she didn’t know if she wanted to be married any longer, last month she said she didn’t want to work on the marriage at all, so we did an in house separation.
Your wife isn’t interested in improving her addictions or saving her marriage. This ⬆️ is classic pathology.
She wants out, she knows she has substance/alcohol abuse problems. What she is doing, by going to AA and church half-heartedly and then saying the marriage is responsible for her addictions and infidelity, is convincing herself in her own mind that what she is doing is okay.
It means she can still look herself in the mirror and not be ashamed and disgusted by what she sees.
From this point forward, your wife is not attempting to fix her addictions or her marriage - she’s making herself feel better about it by convincing herself it’s your fault.
Strap in - you’re in for a wild ride.
It’s a shame she just can’t take responsibility for it - ie “I don’t love you any more, I want to keep taking drugs and alcohol, and I want to f*** around with other guys.”
