I appreciate the feedback on how I should have communicated to her that I wasn't going to the MC meeting yesterday. But that is done at this point. What I said is how it went and she went on her own.


I think LH19 and BL42 probably have it most right here on why she felt worse after attending the counseling alone, why she went silent since she got home, and why she told her friend she is depressed.


I think it's possible that he told her his observation of me in our sessions. I mean I'm the type of person that probably 8-10 years ago would have never agreed to go to MC. When the BD happened in September and I realized things were at Defcon5/Crisis-mode, I not only agreed but I went into those sessions fully participating, vulnerable, emotional at times, and just well prepared. We had several sessions where I had spent a lot of time ahead of time writing down exactly where I thought we were at so we optimized the most time in those sessions. But as I've mentioned in other posts, we we're dealing with someone barely a willing participant on her side.

Or like BL42 said, he may have challenged her on her path.


Originally Posted by LH19
If you increase her guilt, by blaming, shaming, or making her responsible for your emotional state, she's going to resent you more.

If you pursue her, argue with her, or try to convince her to work with you on the marriage, she's going to resent you for not letting her go and not giving her the space she wants.

If you immediately address all her historic complaints, she's going to resent the fact that you didn't do it sooner, and things had to get this bad for you to take action.

This really hit home for me. Not long ago before I started detaching, she said this:

"....Relationships can not work out between two good people who want the best for each other. I'm struggling with wanting to be there for you when I'm the one causing the stress with my feelings and decisions. .....It's hard because our relationship state is causing you this pain and it's an impossible situation. Because I feel like the only thing I can do to make you feel better is to sacrifice how I'm feeling and turn it into another cycle of resentment.


I get that none of this matters and doesn't change what I need to do and focus on me.