sounds like he's a people pleaser. those people are really dangerous because they cause a lot of pain with their duplicity.
He is absolutely a people pleaser. And I used to be, so I can detect it. And I truly realize because I was such a people pleaser, I was found to be disingenuous. That’s why multiple guys have left saying “ something was just missing”
And they weren’t wrong. Something was definitely missing and it was my figurative balls.
yeah - I can't even stand being close friends with people pleasers. they aren't safe. you don't know what's real and what isn't. I get it's a trauma response, but d@mn, being on the other end of it leaves you wondering who the person really is, or if they even know themselves.
I'm really glad you recognized that about yourself.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
yeah - I can't even stand being close friends with people pleasers. they aren't safe. you don't know what's real and what isn't. I get it's a trauma response, but d@mn, being on the other end of it leaves you wondering who the person really is, or if they even know themselves.
I'm really glad you recognized that about yourself.
Definitely a trauma response for me. I spent a lifetime trying to get my mom to like me and then my ex husband. I thought if I just made everyone happy they would.
Definitely doesn’t work that way, but it’s a hard habit to break
Also, I think people like me and hickey guy don’t want other people to have to feel pain, or feel bad about themselves, but just didn’t/don’t realize they are actually doing the opposite. I hope he can be self aware enough one day to realize he’s doing that. I kind of told him as much
Sooooo? I went out tonight to a local brewery with another couple. When I walked in, there was D’s swim instructor again, the one I saw at the brew fest with my friend and I had a slight crush on, but too young for me ( 34?) . He was with his teacher friends ( actual teacher by day) and we talked and he bought me a beer and stuff and we exchanged numbers. He wants to hang out with me now. He definitely has a crush on me as well. I don’t even know what to do with this. My kid would be totally weirded out. And he’s YOUNG!
We also saw our a second grade teacher in our town. Who taught my friends daughter. We were talking to her and her husband and he graduated with my ex, Lol. Boy, that family has a reputation in town, lol. But totally cool people. Husband is HOT lol.
It does feel good I can go out, be social, and meet people. But OMG. I meet the men I shouldn’t meet. 34?!!!! Yikes. I’m an old lady!
The age doesn't seem like that big of an issue - certainly wouldn't be in reverse - but is he a past instructor of D or current, because current might get tricky.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I agree the age in and if itself may not be the issue. It’s where he’s at in life and just as much where you are. He’s never married? Does he want to marry? Does he want kids? If so, how is this any different than FF from years ago? Seems very much the same.
Then your D - would this really bother her? Are you certain? If so, why would you even consider it?
In the end, is he potentially someone you could date? Yeah. Is he a good candidate or the right guy at the right time? I think that’s where the problem hits.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
