Lovely. Did I mention that W is getting the boob job in 2 weeks? Perhaps I'll find that my W is indeed a slow, methodical creature like yours was. I would be shocked and disgusted if she wound up leaving straight for another man.
Originally Posted by LH19
Yep and she ain’t getting the girls done for you. Sorry to say but deep down I think you know it. Does your w seem like the independent type?
Bingo. She is NOT doing it for you Doug54. Sorry man.
If you don't want to pay for those only to have her leave make sure to consult an L.
LH...did you ever get refunded your half?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Lovely. Did I mention that W is getting the boob job in 2 weeks?
Make sure that goes on her half of the balance sheet...OR...not sure how much a BOOB JOB costs, but you might need a new motorcycle that is in the same price range.
Listen, I caught my X cashing out retirement funds before the divorce....Make sure you are not getting the short end of the stick.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Lovely. Did I mention that W is getting the boob job in 2 weeks?
Make sure that goes on her half of the balance sheet...OR...not sure how much a BOOB JOB costs, but you might need a new motorcycle that is in the same price range.
Listen, I caught my X cashing out retirement funds before the divorce....Make sure you are not getting the short end of the stick.
And when it comes to these things, consult an attorney. STAT!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hey LH. Yes, W got the breast augmentation shortly before Christmas. I'm glad for your words of wisdom about wayward wives being slow and methodical creatures. She's definitely in the replay phase of MLC - went out tonight with two divorced friends to see a band. And so it begins! I'm going out myself to a club with a DJ along with some friends, so there's that.
Christmas went well. W literally bought one gift for one of our children and I did all the rest. I'm willing to give her a partial pass since Christmas wasn't part of her upbringing and she knew I was going to handle most of the kid stuff, but dang. She's mailing it in sometimes. I say it went well because we still did our normal visits with my parents and some extended family, even though there's some friction there between W and my folks. Everyone played their part well for the kids, though, and it was a good day.
W and I have been around each other a fair amount during the holidays. Our interactions have been mostly good but my detachment has taken a step back. There was one day when my parents had the kids out for quite a while and W and I went for a walk like old times and had nookie twice. I don't really like the selfish person she's become, though. And my ego still gets in the way of having a complete attitude of "who cares what W is up to?" I still struggle internally with a mindset of "As long as you're living in the house and we're not divorced or separated, it's not ok that you're effing around, up to no good on your phone or whatever else." I don't say that but it permeates my thoughts at times. Sandi said it best to another poster a while back - "She wants to feel free and you are treating her like she is still your W...which she is, but she doesn't want to feel like she is your W. That is the point. She wants to be free and she doesn't want you controlling her life."
No idea if the above situation was a separation or still living together. LH, I try to keep in mind your line about "Do you want to be wondering one day, 'what if I'd only given W a little more time to figure things out...?'"
I forgot to mention that I did open a separate bank account for myself. We still have the joint account but I wanted to get the ball rolling with having something only I can access if needed. My paycheck isn't yet linked to this account.
What should I do if this summer comes, W gets a better job, but doesn't seem keen on moving out? We are both on the mortgage.
Yikes separate nights out on New Years Eve. Nothing like being in a club at middle age lol but I applaud you for trying.
So I want to make it clear that I don’t think it’s ok if/that your W is screwing around. The goal is to get to a place that it’s unacceptable to you. My point is that until you are there you don’t focus on it you put the focus on your kids.
IMO if you keep status quo she’s probably going to bide her time while she’s planning her exit strategy doing the bare minimum. This may take years.
As for the separate accounts I’m not sure that matters.
Yikes separate nights out on New Years Eve. Nothing like being in a club at middle age lol but I applaud you for trying.
So I want to make it clear that I don’t think it’s ok if/that your W is screwing around. The goal is to get to a place that it’s unacceptable to you. My point is that until you are there you don’t focus on it you put the focus on your kids.
IMO if you keep status quo she’s probably going to bide her time while she’s planning her exit strategy doing the bare minimum. This may take years.
As for the separate accounts I’m not sure that matters.
What is the issue between W and parents?
Thanks for your thoughts, LH. What do you mean by getting to a place where the screwing around is unacceptable? It's not ok as it is, other than I don't know the depth or what distinct moves to make short of moving out myself.
The other thing is, I don't know if I could fully arrest whatever is going on other than perhaps driving it further underground. The sum of all the parts pretty clearly points to MLC, in my opinion...the focus on herself, slipping a little as a mom and homemaker, lamenting lack of career success, wanting to slow the progression of age, reading self-help books, etc. I don't think there's any allegiance to an AP in particular, though there's something playing out, EA or whatnot.
I know the textbook response - focus on myself and the kids. I just feel like I've slipped some and want to see some forward motion or moves to make. I doubt there are really any - this has to play out, right? I've actually read quite a few books recently -
How to Be a 3% Man No More Mr Nice Guy The Rational Male The Solo Partner Your Marriage Can Survive Midlife Crisis (Jim & Sally Conway)
All were informative to some degree - some better than others.
What would you suggest I do to not keep the "status quo"?
So Doug not Mach lol guess I was shaking off the cobwebs, I’m on the other side. I already know my kids are alright. I already know it’s great being with a woman who apologizes for texting in my presence and what the text is for. I know what it’s like to have a woman want to celebrate holidays with me. I also know what it was like to come home and the first thing I looked for was my exws phone to see if it was on the charger. Did she take it in the bathroom? Every time it dinged my anxiety went up.
So one of the key things I learned in 3% man is you don’t get what you deserve in life you get what you negotiate. Everything in life is negotiable. When something does not work for you in life you have to be willing to walk away from it if your terms or acceptable terms are not met.
As far as moves there are no moves. There is no silver bullet. Things are probably going to have to get worse before they get better.
Remember female MLC runs from 7-10 years not 7-10 months.
If you want to shake up the status quo maybe you take cake/sex off the table?
