I say this out of kindness, but I think there’s some hard truths you need to hear.
You said this on your very first post:
Originally Posted by br4nd0n
I started reading a few of these threads and see that one of the big ways I have screwed up since she came out as a walkaway wife is not giving her space.
But then a week or two later you took her out, had a romantic dinner, convinced her to have a massage and eventually had sex.
You also said this in your first post:
Originally Posted by br4nd0n
Now she has told me she's done with the relationship. It's like she has completely convinced herself that getting over these issues is just too hard and therefore not possible. Like there is just too much to get over and the thought of doing so is just too daunting for her.
Maybe she is really done with the relationship but I think it's also possible that what she is "done" with is me smothering/suffocating her which I did out of stupidity.
So, she told you very clearly she was done in your first post. But today, you said
Originally Posted by br4nd0n
since hearing the hard truth yesterday
She already told you this weeks ago, it is only now it seems you’re starting to hear it.
You need to back the pressure RIGHT off. The problem here is that you aren’t listening to anyone. She’s been telling you she’s done. We’re telling you the only way to get her back is accept it for now, drop the rope, become a better person and hope that she changes her mind. And meanwhile, because the grief is so strong, you’re pressuring her and getting in her pants.
The date, massage and sex - guaranteed you walked away from it feeling short term vindication and closer to her - meanwhile, she probably walked away feeling like s*** and like she’s made things even worse. She probably has a lot of internal shame about it.
Your grief, your lack of acceptance and your desire to feel close to her physically, at this point, is like a drug fix. Short term it feels great, long term it’s going to ruin everything.
