You are right, I avoided some of the advice. I thought I knew my wife so well that I could fix this using my own technique, my romanticism, my own charm I guess....obviously I was wrong.
It's not that I thought one dinner date, massage, and sex was going to fix the entire relationship but maybe for her to start to at least see/acknowledge the connection we had and tilt in the direction or tick the ball forward of wanting to be an active participant in the resolution department.
I really believe with counseling we could get back to the best place we've ever been with intimacy, communication, etc. But it's getting her to be a willing participant that we've had problems with. Without that, there isn't any point.
In counseling I hear my wife say things like, "In my head I've convinced myself I'm done" and so now I "feel done". It's almost like she's in a trance and playing chess against herself and loosing.
And it also pisses me off because I have texts from a month or two ago where she seems so unsure and says thinks like "I think just need time. It feels like too much all at once. Pressure, etc.".
So to now saying "I'm done" so casually, I don't see how she could have complete clarity in that decision that quickly. Which I know is probably because of the pressure and why the break is probably the best thing...but it it blows.
DnJ:
Thanks and yes lesson learned.
Yes, I see how quick she can flip. It was shocking actually going from thinking I would continue the positive momentum from our date and intimacy that night to immediately back to withdrawn.
One thing that really bothered me is the lack of acknowledgement on her side on how well our date together went. The chemistry and connection was undeniable yet she minimized it when we talked in counseling. She said, yeah those were great memories that we relived but it doesn't change how I'm feeling.
Yeah, our conversations were great but when a couple is in a good place, there is an aura of a connection and I felt like we had that. But she is too blind to see it with this convincing herself of "being done".
