Thanks for the voluminous response chock full of MLC info. In many regards, my wife seems to have a somewhat tame case of MLC. At least, she's not in full berserk mode like some of the situations I've read, particularly on another MLC-centric board. Or maybe those days are coming down the pike? Impossible to know. At the same time, she also doesn't seem to be in the mold of the "done and gone" walkaway wife.
Originally Posted by DnJ
The tough love approach will not wake them up. Any awakening will come from within them. For that is where the source of pain is living, and that is where the pain needs to resolve.
So, some people on the site advocate that the approach is the same whether MLC or wayward spouse. (Sandi, of course, is the patron saint for cracking down on the wayward and making them respect you.) Some also favor the alpha male tactic to "win back" respect. I can tell you that my wife would not respond to that. If anything, it would be a turnoff. Some of her venting involved telling me that I came off as arrogant to her at times in the relationship. I guess I'm saying that it is fruitful to know that MLC can't be arrested and I don't need to contort myself into a pretzel attempting to pitch a perfect game with strategy.
Originally Posted by DnJ
I get it Doug. You are in crucible right now. Stand. Remain. See why you would. See who you will become. Find the gemstone that is you, after all the rest is slag.
Nice use of the word. You ever read the play by Arthur Miller, by the way?
Originally Posted by DnJ
Give lots of time and space. Let W burn through her anger. At some point, hopefully, she’ll realize “hey, Doug hasn’t been around for a while AND I’m still unhappy. Hmmm. Perhaps, he wasn’t to blame after all.” Then, with some good fortune, she would look inward and work on her issues.
This all sounds easy enough....minus the multiple years for MLC to play out part.
