LH, you tend to check in for all the major holidays, don't you?
Thanksgiving was ok. W's brother and his family visited and everyone had a good time. W's mother had had a medical procedure around the end of October and wasn't able to make it (along with W's father) so most of the family made the out-of-town trek the next day to visit them. I planned to go as well since I've never had a problem with her parents, but I was getting a vibe that W was reluctant for me to go along. It felt like she was going out of her way to not make it overly apparent, that I *could* attend if I wanted to, but I figured what points could be won by forcing myself into close quarters with W for an overnight stay? We do have several pets that didn't have accommodations, so it was arguably convenient for me to remain home. As soon as W arrived at her parents', she texted me that her folks were wondering why I didn't come. Her father texted me a while later saying he was sorry I couldn't make it and hoped I would next time. (It's clear she's never breathed a syllable about marital discontent to her folks.)
I've always suspected that whomever W connected with (and conceivably continues to be sneaky on her phone with) was someone from her past. No concrete reason, just an assumption since they originally talked on Facebook Messenger and the replay phase of MLC can involve an attempted return to youth (uh, right?). Anyhow, I couldn't help myself and asked S14 after they returned if W had gone off on her own at any point during the visit. He told me that she hadn't and had been with the family the entire time.
I don't see any evidence that W is sneaking around locally in a full-blown EA/PA but I do think that would be a dealbreaker for me at this point if I were to find out.
W is getting her breast augmentation done in a few weeks. My stepdaughter is driving her to the place, a few hours away. W got a recommendation for the facility from a former college friend. From what I gather, she's financing the procedure. I'd probably be intrigued with the whole thing if the marriage were on firmer ground, but I'm less than enamored as it is. Whatever...nothing I can really do to stop it. W and I both get our paychecks deposited into the same joint account, and I haven't yet been inclined to split them apart. Divorce isn't on the front burner yet. Any thoughts on this?
Stepson 19 and S6 had birthdays on back-to-back days. I was the only one to get them gifts or a cake. W is still a good mom but she's wrapped in the selfish throes of MLC a fair amount of the time. To be fair, W was raised in a cult-ish church that didn't celebrate any holidays other than Thanksgiving, and her parents didn't make much of a fuss over birthdays, either. I typically took the lead on gift-giving during our marriage, even in the past, but I don't recall W completely sitting on the sidelines 100%.
I've probably regressed on fully GALing since the days have gotten shorter. I keep up with the gym and try to do as much with the kids as possible.
I have read a few threads on the board recently, despite not posting much. I got sucked into Gordie's tale and his wife's crazy behavior. I am terrible at not heeding Mach1's advice to not extrapolate too much from other posters' situations onto one's own. One person had written in Gordie's thread that their spouse had been an MLC wallower for two years before running and running. So now I'm convinced that's what's in store for me.
I try not to borrow tomorrow's trouble today, but I do wonder how to play it if W's mindset is to have sneaky fun on the side without blowing up the family (and filing herself). What if there's no movement on her part next summer but I'm tired of where the marriage is? Technically, neither of us can kick the other spouse out of the house. I feel like I need a sort of game plan to keep in the back of my head along with a potential drop-dead date. Does anyone think next summer is too soon for such a date? That would be about a year and a half hence the start of my situation. I also would want some sort of confirmation of the extent of W's waywardness, before fully nuking the kids' household.
I wonder about the seeming contrast between "a MLC has to run its course- there's nothing you can do to alter it" vs the tough-love approach advocated by Sandi and a few others. I definitely don't have the stomach for a years' long dead-ish marriage. My line of thinking is unquestionably colored by all I've read on these boards. For instance, W lifted my shirt and scratched my back after coming to bed three straight nights last week, something that hadn't happened in a long time. I enjoyed it but also chalked it up to some wayward wife strategy. My IC said it's important to try to appreciate the little things in the moment during this time. That's another reason I don't try to play defense when W initiates nookie.
Any thoughts on my situation are welcome as always. I apologize for not posting on other threads, but as you can see, I still don't really have my own house in order.
