Is it a MLC or??

[Reeling]

Thank you Kind for taking the time to read such a long post and for replying. I neglected to mention I have found a wonderful therapist (online - very little available where I am. This therapist is in the US and online works just fine. If I could afford it, I would talk to her every day - she is wonderful and I come off every call feeling super charged with strength).

Yes, I jumped on him in the bed and started screaming. You must understand this was minutes after my entire world blew up. Up until that point, I had reached the stage where I was CONVINCED we were reconciling - I’d told everyone, including my 84 year old father. Then BANG. I felt like such a fool and SO betrayed.

I had NO IDEA there was anyone else until this point - suddenly, my entire world, everything I believed, including my future, was blown to pieces. So yes, I went ape-sh*t. That was weeks ago and I’ve forgiven myself for what was a reaction to severe trauma.

He does not want to be with her and is not with her, but they work together and yes, they’re very good friends.

For now, I am detaching from the entire situation. I cannot continue as was. The pursuer will become the distancer and I plan to give that all I’ve got.

I’ve just been for a run, for the first time in months. Starting the couch to 5k program - it felt good to run, listening to loud music, feeling suddenly FREE from the sh*tshow.

Not saying I won’t backslide and end up crying my eyes out every now and again - I’m sure I will. But I am determined to find my strength once more and get back to the strong, happy, confident person I was when he walked into my life.

No longer will I initiate contact with him and allow his response (or lack thereof) to dictate my mood and emotions for the entire day.

I am taking my power back. I know it won’t always be easy. But damn, right now it feels good.

Thank you again.