Reeling, you must feel so used. I’m so sorry you’ve been through all of this.
I think you need professional help. You have been on a huge rollercoaster. You said yourself that you would sob for days with uncontrollable grief. Now you’ve jumped on him in the middle of the night and screamed at him?
I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve it… he absolutely does. But it’s not appropriate behaviour. If he decides he wants to be with her, you could find he slaps a restraining order on you. You do NOT want to make things worse than they already are.
Everyone is capable of healing, and I can’t tell you how that will look - ie whether you end up together or not.
But I’m pretty sure you’re not going to have the skills to negotiate this emotionally on your own, especially if you go your own ways. I’d highly recommend you seek out some professional IC to work through a lot of this.
Oh, and you need to get an STD test and protect yourself. I wouldn’t believe a word either of them say about having only kissed.
You’ll be okay one day… it’s just going to take a while. Just breathe… and take it one day at a time.
