Ninja quick. Lol. I happened to be checking and saw you posted.
You are fine to post in newcomers. You are correct, newcomers does have more traffic. Not to worry, the folks on the MLC boards do read newcomers too. Most folks visit all the different forums. If you ever do want to move over to MLC just let me know.
It’s pretty normal when looking back to see all the signs we missed. Small indications of something brewing within our spouse. Don’t beat yourself up, you honestly had no idea what was about to explode.
The basic principle of dealing with a spouse’s MLC is letting go. H is angry. He is projecting on to you, and blaming you for his pain. Realize he cannot handle his emotions right now. He cannot handle being at fault. So, with such torment, he looks around and sees you. Poof, you must be the cause he figures, in his addled mind.
Give lots of time and space. Let him burn through his anger. At some point, hopefully, he realizes “hey, marching hasn’t been around for a while AND I’m still unhappy. Hmmm. Perhaps, she wasn’t to blame after all.” Then, with some good fortune, he would look inward and work on his issues.
His path is on his time line, and you weren’t invited along on this journey with him. You’ve got your own journey to traverse now. The future is unknown and unwritten, perhaps your paths converge and merge again.
Originally Posted by marching
I don't know what else I can do to improve our relationship dynamics. H doesn't initiate contact. Nor do I. There is virtually no interaction. We don't even live in the same country. What can I do but let him go?
I empathize. (((Hugs)))
Go dim/dark, and keep conversations to business. I realize with no kids there are not too many reasons to reach out.
Did you read the lighthouse story yet? Its link is in the welcoming thread. Second last one. Pretty good direction in my opinion. You can keep the door ajar, a light in the window, and live your life. And love your life.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
