One of the things I learned is to be present (full attention) and then be absent.
I like this a lot R2C. I'll keep this in mind in my own situation.
Originally Posted by MikeP
Something I didn't think to mention about myself is I have a tendency to be negative and judgmental. My mom was and is the most judgmental/negative person I've ever known.
I'm in the same boat with you. I know my negativity was a huge cause of my W slowly moving away from me over the years and it was a learned behavior from my mom. There was a point where I broke down and became angry with my mom for several days, blaming her for my failed marriage. The things I learned from her led to the mistakes I've made with my wife and kids, so I rationalized that she was the true cause of my problems. I've since learned that my unhappiness was what led to my negativity and judgmental attitude, not my mom. And the advice I've been getting here has helped me understand that I am in control of my own happiness. Focusing on myself, especially GAL, has helped tremendously with that. It has had a positive impact on my relationships with nearly everyone around me....except for my W (so far!) Keep at it man, we do not have to follow the models we were given. I'll keep following your threads. Best of luck!
Thanks, I’ve been following your thread and good luck to you as well. I didn’t blame my mom for my marriage problems, but unfortunately my mom’s behavior caused me to distance myself from her her. Her and a couple of my siblings are also perpetual victims so I’ve been fairly detached from all if them, wish I could do a better job if it now with my W. I never want to act like they do so I tend to not want help with problems and I own up to my mistakes mostly. Coming on this forum and going to counseling was so unlike me, very uncomfortable. Glad I did though, this site has been more helpful than I could have imagined.
