here is the place to go when you need to vent.
Have you re-read the lighthouse story recently? I can't find the link to post here. Hopefully someone else can.

Also, Cadet has a great list of links https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2854484#Post2854484

including one on detachment which may help you right now.

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver