Yes be angry at her in your own time, but you need to be Grey rock whenever you’re interacting with her or kids or her family/friends. Google “grey rock”. Your kids need a solid, stable, unreactive anchor in their lives - that can be you !
Sounds to me like she’s suffering from mid life depression. There’s some very classic symptoms in her behaviour and what she’s saying.
But diagnosing or fixing her is not your job. It’s up to her to work it out and fix it.
She’s framing things as you abandoning her kids, because in her mind and to her friends, that helps her rationalise her shi**y behaviour. Despite the fact that she’s choosing to rip your family apart, be aware that (in her mind) she 100% thinks she is doing the right thing.
