DW, I think you are doing fairly well. A few tweaks and you will be there.

I do think answering the calls related to kids is ok. If you are fairly sure that is what is about and keep it to the logistics of the kids. If it starts to veer into other territory, just make and excuse and hang up.

As far as childcare and the meals responsibility, I think you need to formulate a plan to discuss this with her. Make sure you are not negotiating but setting ground rules.

"The shared meal duty and child care schedule haven't been working. So from now on I will be responsible for the kids and myself on my child care days, and you will be on your own. And vice-versa. Here is a schedule I have come up with that I think is fair: Mon-Fri every other week I will have the kids, and you will have them Sat. and Sunday. Alternating weeks you will have them Mon-Fri, and I will have Sat and Sunday."

If she protests, point out that you both need to get used to an arrangement like this as this is how it will be post divorce.

If she continues to protest, inform her that the next step will be to get a custody arrangement in place with a lawyer.

Be unemotional. Stick to business and the facts. Have a plan for if she balks at it.

If she agrees and still doesn't live up to it, that is when you start needing to keep a journal and track all of the times she flakes. That will be crucial in a custody hearing as it will show she was leaning towards abandonment.

DW, you've got this! IHS is hard. But many LBSs struggle with true separation too. I really suggest consulting an attorney as well. It was one of the best things I did in my own situation.

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018