You shouldn’t ever feel like you need to pluck up the “courage” to come back here and post on the board.
Your feelings are your feelings. This is a safe space. Yes, posters get called out in things from time to time. But that’s also what this board is for. If you want to come here for hugs, you’re at the wrong place. If you want to come to read others’ stories, get new insight, learn about relationships and yourself - well then it’s the place to be.
Just post. You don’t need courage if you’re here for the right reasons, because you can either shrug off the odd criticism or learn from it.
I think you’re crushing 99% of life and DB. It sounds like you’re doing ALL the right things. I think you should be really proud of what you’ve achieved.
The one thing you’re stuck on is your feelings for old her. And that’s normal.
I REALLY think you should get some IC, perhaps with a brand new counsellor, and tell them everything you just wrote here. You’re kicking life’s butt, and the only thing holding you back is feelings for the old her. They will give you some strategies to move on emotionally.
The absolute worst advice I’ve heard is “the way to get over a man/woman, is to get under another one”… but in your case, since you’ve done all the hard work, I think once you start developing feelings for someone else then it will be the final piece of the puzzle in letting go of what your ex-wife used to be.
You’ve rebuilt yourself from the ground up, you know you don’t want to be with this woman, you’re comfortable in your own skin and being single… so why not start mingling?
In terms of the “it’s hard to find someone” because you have high standards, that’s all true - but I don’t think you’re looking to find someone to marry next week! You might find, once you go on a few dates, that what you used to look for, and what the new Pack is looking for - could be very different.
Don’t be downcast. You aren’t still stuck where you were before, even if you have fleeting times thinking about how it used to be. Look at it from the other perspective - you’re 99% of the way there, and only 1% left to go.
