changing that going forward but then I’m told to stop trying to nice her back. Which is it?
You behave based on what is the right thing to do, not how will she react to my behavior.
THIS!!!!
And "right thing to do" is perfect wording.
Until recently I was absolutely trying to nice her back. I understand what I was doing. I am working on doing what is the right thing to do now. I do my fair share now, in my opinion, and I don't worry what she thinks about it. Prime example. I made a dish for Thanksgiving to take to my sisters house. Made a mess, cleaned up. W and d13 made cookies and a dish. Made a mess and left it. Ordinarily I would have eventually gotten tired of looking at the mess and cleaned up. Nope, left it. W finally cleaned up. I know that's minor but I would have normally caved. Doing better at GAL also. Went to lunch yesterday with a guy I haven't seen in 30 plus years. Had a nice time.
