WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - 1.5 Year Divorced (8)

[bttrfly]

One more thought about the drop off, and the crushing sense of emptiness when the kids leave. Thankfully my ex always picked our son up, but ... even that was painful - to watch and know I wouldn't see my son for an entire week ... devastating is the word which comes to mind. A continual reminder of the failure of our marriage and the annihilation of our family, my hopes and dreams.

So, one day, as I was curled in the fetal position sobbing my heart out, I decided I didn't want to live like this any more. I decided the best thing I could do was volunteer somewhere - to give back in some small way to show gratitude for what I still had that was good in my life. I was lucky enough to be accepted as a volunteer at an endangered wildlife educational facility, a place I'd been interested in for years. My shift was always the same Sunday morning that my son would leave with his dad. Eventually I felt comfortable leaving before pick up so I wouldn't see the departure. I needed to make sure it was ok with both of us - my son and with me, to leave before he did.

While it was never ok that my son was living out of a backpack and bouncing back and forth between parents like a tennis ball, the sense of purpose I felt knowing it was volunteer day enabled me to find my way through the pain, anger and grief. The work was hard, often physical. The reward was earning the trust of the animals there and the knowledge that I was helping. Suddenly I wasn't so powerless after all.

But, I wouldn't have come to that place if I hadn't first spent a lot of time thinking about what my core values were post BD, and even earlier than that, discovering what my love languages are while DBing my marriage. Acts of service is one of my love languages and also a core value, as well as a love of animals. I'm forever grateful that I spent the time alone so I could get to know myself post BD, rather than getting distracted by idle flirtations or taking up with any of the guys who started to circle around after exh left. The growth from that time was priceless, and my relationships with those animals ... so humbling. They helped me find my joy again - especially a certain handsome furry fellow who would steal kisses when I least expected it. To have a 140 pound wolf dog hybrid suddenly jump up to kiss me on the cheek then run away before I had a chance to react will remain one of my favorite memories for my entire life, as will having my face completely slobbered by wolf kisses. I'm sure they helped me more than I helped them.

Anyway, that's what worked for me. Perhaps this resonates with you, or someone reading along.