WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - 1 Year Divorced (7)

[BL42]

bttrfly, DnJ, OnlyBent, Ginger1, LH19 & Mach1,

I'd be remiss if the day after Thanksgiving I didn't publicly state how thankful I am for this board and all of you. I read through your comments about my Holiday drop off trigger several times and it helped me quite a good bit.

I'm thankful for the encouragement on my progress...

i'm sorry that happened BL ... but gotta say I'm really proud of the way you handed it. Way to GAL xoxoxo

Hello BL - Yep, that’s rough. Well done not letting your feelings take over your day and ruin it.

Think of today as a test. God or the universe just tested you. And by my reckoning, you passed with flying colors!

You did the right thing. Headed off to the gym and got your head clear. It’s OK to distract, we don’t have to feel everything. Distraction is a beautiful thing!

BL totally normal. Holidays are tough. This is like Thanksgiving number 2 for BL

BL, the way you're killing it I'm pretty sure that in time to come you'll not be triggered as easily.

You are rockin this schidt buddy.... just be you, and just be Dad....they know....

I'm thankful for the comforting words related to my role as dad...

I will tell you this, and I hope it helps...

Whatever you think that it is, it really isn't...

All the fun, and smiles, and you feeling replaceable....

It isn't real...

Yet, I am Dad....and nothing takes priority over that....

So don't believe the lies that your mind tells you, it will eventually be different than what you think that it is....

I agree. 15 years with the presence of another woman married to my my ex and there was a never a time she could remember without her in her life. And I have always, and always will be “mom” .

And you will always be dad . Always. You kicking butt and taking names.

I'm thankful for your questions...

Well done not letting your feelings take over your day and ruin it. How long until they fleeted? Just curious, if you don’t mind.

It hit me a bit hard on the drive back and definitely on my mind during the workout (which of course helped), and I think it lingered throughout the day and perhaps later on I was a bit down being the holiday. When my kids returned that evening I felt the love and was back in full fledge loving dad mode.

I'm thankful for the suggestions...

I wonder if you can’t have her come pick up the kids on holidays?

I really like LH's suggestion - or a neutral meet up for the next holiday hand off ...

I wouldn’t drop her off at his big get together where his wife and family was. I would actually have him come get her. Small things like that really helped.

Will have to think on this one. Don't want to disrupt the arrangement and think I just need to get mentally stronger and deal with it, but if the trigger persists over time perhaps a consideration for the future.

I'm thankful for your empathy...

But yes, I have to admit, and I can still feel it, I was in an insurmountable amount of pain anytime I had to give my child up to them especially on holidays. Worse than any physical pain that I’ve known, quite honestly. But just like anything else, it gets easier with time.

I know it’s more of sending your kids off and feeling like an outsider in your family. It’s really difficult at times and hard to explain, especially when you didn’t have a say in the matter. This was chosen for us. And it stinks and I’m sorry.

I remember that hurt, feeling like I was an outcast in my children's lives because I felt that someone new was taking my place.

In time, it will fade. I always felt that their time with their Mother was party time, and I was the one that had to be the "asshat" because there was structure, and discipline with me. I was wasn't all Disney and fairytails..

And also your OLD advice! ;-)

And heck, without you saying as much, I know your kids are your number one priority FOR REAL!

Don't worry Ginger...I'll refrain from using that in my dating profile if I should ever give the apps another go!!! LOL