Don’t fret, you’re doing fine. It’s perfectly normal to consider and explore the what ifs of a relationship’s past. You are not living in fantasy land, you are considering and altering direction.
Lots of folks avoid conflict. It appears your W learnt to stuff down and ignore conflict; to back down. And given your upbringing I’d suspect you have a similar distaste for facing conflicts.
More open respectful communication is always a good thing. Communication is usually the biggest cause/problem in any relationship. Learning how to lead and facilitate difficult conversations is a most valuable life skill to acquire. Life has difficulties and conflicts will arise. Discussing those is needed.
Resolution of conflict comes not from sorting out who is right and who is wrong, it comes from seeing and hearing the other’s side. That takes empathy and leaving one’s ego out of things. When both participate towards that end, the solution is win/win. Not a compromise, that’s lose/lose. A win/win, a decision where both parties achieve their true desired outcome. And often, it’s rather surprising what solutions folks can come up with.
That outcome, the possibility that both can achieve their goal, usually eludes folks due to our us against them societal defaults. Folks are programmed - media, politics, and so on - that to win the other must lose. Such constant reinforcement is a yoke that drags the unaware, and conflicts brew and stagnate.
Conflict, difficult conversations, just some things to consider and perhaps look into during your journey forward.
D
Last edited by DnJ; 11/26/2202:06 AM.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
