I really like Taz' suggestion - or a neutral meet up for the next holiday hand off ...

BL, the way you're killing it I'm pretty sure that in time to come you'll not be triggered as easily.

I know that sounds far-fetched, and forgive me for the personal example, but it illustrates what I mean:

During our divorce settlement process, my H was forced to reveal a secret credit card he'd gotten at BD. It revealed a lot - including a secret trip to Hawaii. He flew there on our 21st wedding anniversary, stayed 5 days and spent over $3500. He swore up down and sideways he went alone ... and demanded that I pay for half the trip, since he was paying all my living expenses. To give you a sense of the timeline involved, BD was 4/6, our anniversary was 7/16 - three months later. Now, it's been pointed out to me recently how deeply hurtful that was, but we're 7 years out and my strongest reaction is laughter, because it strikes me as so completely ludicrous that someone would think this was ok that all I can do is laugh. I really do think it's funny, in fact when I talk about this story I often laugh so hard tears come ... but they're not the same kind of tears they were when it happened. They're tears of joy that I get to spend the rest of my life free of someone who thinks that's an acceptable thing to do. A few years back, this was a place I couldn't see myself ever getting to. My point is the most hurtful things seem to lose their sting as we heal. Doesn't mean any of the hurtful behavior is ok, ever. But it does mean that as we heal it matters less in the grand scheme of our present lives. You'll get there. I know it!

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver