What I see from my wife is someone who has really been working on her weight/appearance, reading an absolute ton (more books in a month than most do in years/lifetime), and as I mentioned in a post above has been being affectionate "with herself" quite a lot which hasn't always been the case.
I’m sorry, but that’s classic affair behaviour, even if it’s just an emotional affair at this point.
Quote
The only thing is this extremely close work friend of my wife. She doesn't hide the fact she is always talking to her, many times on speaker in the kitchen, etc. and them just being dumb with each other.
But through text and instant message I know they talk about relationship stuff, stuff about me, stuff about our daughter, more personal stuff you would a close friend, etc.
And your right, this is a same-sex work friend. This women is also married so I don't see and haven't seen any signs of a romantic connection. In all my years of being with my wife, I don't believe there is interest in that way or if there is, has never been more than internal or maybe fantasy in her head maybe.
But again, when they talk about our relationship, specifically if my wife is talking to her about something that I did in her mind wrong, then we get two brains to say this guy is not good. This friend is also late 30's and doesn't have any kids of her own (only cats) so her giving any advice to my wife on our or my wrong parenting is not productive.
That’s a lot about her. Trust me when I say (other than respecting their wishes and walking in the other direction) there is NOTHING you can do to analyse, understand, change or repair a woman who is at this point. You just can’t.
All LBS come to this site, and write page after page about how their WS/WAS is acting. What they are saying, doing, thinking - what does it all mean, they said xxxx so should I respond yyyy… inevitably there’s sim talk of GAL, and the the next post is once again like a post-game analysis of everything their partner has said/done/how many times they’ve breathed in the last 24 hours and what it could possibly all mean.
I’d encourage you to try and focus your posts more and more on you, and less on her. She’s simmering in the oven. You can’t do anything about her, and if you try, you’re just validating her decision to leave. There is NOTHING you can say or do or realise that will fix this.
The way to a happy future is to drop the rope, let her be, and start kicking life’s butt. Come to the board and tell us how your daughter is going - we went to a baseball game together! Tell us what your lawyer has told you to be careful about/prepared for. Tell us how you are going to do better at your job, what your daily exercise routine is (and what goals you’ve set). Tell us how you are increasing your social circles. Tell us three new hobbies you’ve started. Go wash and vacuum your car, buy some new clothes and aftershave. Find something that terrifies the old you (like skydiving) and go do it!
The answer (whatever that may be - divorce or reconciliation) actually lies within you…
