I appreciate it. I know several on here are quite concerned that I'm being naive about the possibility of my wife having an affair and I'm really not. Even before I got on here on the forums when the blow up happened, I've been really investigating this possibility with my senses fully up to it.
I'm very well connected and skilled in this kind of thing and there just is no signs of an OM. Earlier when I was texting a ton after the blow up and not communicating well, I brought whether she was seeing/sleeping with someone else to see what she would say and said she absolutely had not and would not ever in all the years we've been together. She said she has always been careful with male co-workers to not even send the wrong signal ever or for anyone to get the wrong idea.
Not being naive and really investigating this, there just isn't anything there.
I'm not giving up on this as I think it's a continual validation but so far just hasn't yielded anything.
BL42:
I think your example of the EA makes perfect sense and I would totally agree if I found that my wife had a male "friend" in this capacity whether that male was single, married, or divorced on their part for that matter.
But as I mentioned above, it just doesn't exist.
The only thing is this extremely close work friend of my wife. She doesn't hide the fact she is always talking to her, many times on speaker in the kitchen, etc. and them just being dumb with each other.
But through text and instant message I know they talk about relationship stuff, stuff about me, stuff about our daughter, more personal stuff you would a close friend, etc.
And your right, this is a same-sex work friend. This women is also married so I don't see and haven't seen any signs of a romantic connection. In all my years of being with my wife, I don't believe there is interest in that way or if there is, has never been more than internal or maybe fantasy in her head maybe.
But again, when they talk about our relationship, specifically if my wife is talking to her about something that I did in her mind wrong, then we get two brains to say this guy is not good. This friend is also late 30's and doesn't have any kids of her own (only cats) so her giving any advice to my wife on our or my wrong parenting is not productive.
What I see from my wife is someone who has really been working on her weight/appearance, reading an absolute ton (more books in a month than most do in years/lifetime), and as I mentioned in a post above has been being affectionate "with herself" quite a lot which hasn't always been the case.
In my experience all of these years, she has always been a really good person with a good heart. Since this blow up happened, she has said so many times these past two months that she knows she is being selfish and that she feels like a jerk, and that she knows I'm trying so hard because I love her but it's still not changing her mind, and that she still fells shut off, confused, overwhelmed, and struggling. It's like she wants her mind to change but since she vocalized it that night, she can't help but to digest/feel it and not get over it no matter what.
But I'm also really not underestimating how much I screwed up pressuring her before I got to these forums. I look back at our communications and she just felt so much damn pressure and felt exhausted mentally. I was just doing everything Michele's last resort techniques say not to do.
But not that I know I'm changing my strategy and seeing where it goes. Maybe her "done" truly was all the things I was doing to pressure (not intentionally obviously).
Lastly, another confusing thing was that unlike most years where we have people over for Thanksgiving it was just our family of 3 who went out to a nice restaurant for a change. It was quite nice and even after the "I'm done with the relationship" talk this week, she has a picture of the family taken at the restaurant and posts it to social media like we are still one big happy family.
I'm still committed to my new detachment strategy but it's stuff like this that is just so confusing.
