Walkaway Wife Help

[BL42]

br4nd0n,

I'm new to this particular EA concept so bare with me.

Where does the line of an Emotional Affair and close Friendship differ?

I'm no expert, but I'd say the line is where you feel comfortable being open about it vs. what you feel needs to be hidden. E.g., "H, I'm going to meet up with friend for lunch tomorrow." vs. meet up for lunch and not mention it or trying to actively hide it. Same with the phone or whatever.

So I think you can feel what an EA v. friend is. And it is addicting like a drug. Imagine life has gotten a bit stale and boring, you love your spouse but with work and the kids both sides have fallen off in the romance department and it feels at times like you're just romance. Where is excitement of dating and newlyweds? Then you strike up a friend of the opposite sex at work and it's innocent at first, but then there's a little flirting, and then you start texting each out, again innocent at first, but you're looking forward to seeing them at work and can't help but smile when a text pops up. And you justify to yourself "it's only a friend", and then before you know it there's a text that crosses the line and it gets you really excited and you know it's probably not appropriate but there's nothing physical. Soon you can't wait until they text you in the morning or the next night. You can feel the intoxication. And you think "well H doesn't care about me anymore. He should appreciate me like my 'friend' does. And start having resentment towards your spouse because they're to blame for you being bad. And you know it's not right but you don't want to give up the high of getting that text. And you love your spouse you're just not in love with them any more, and they don't understand you like friend does, and your life would be so much better with friend as a lover and spouse as a co-parent...etc., etc.

Read resources online. I'm sure it's described better than I just dig, but you get the gist.

And where should that concern line be?

Trust your gut. Anything that tingles your "spidey sense" is a concern. My now-ExW texting OM1 "Good night" and "Sweet Dreams" rang major alarm bells in my head. That was before any pictures or physical stuff happened. Others told me it could be nothing, but I knew. I literally observed it progressing over time, based on my snooping.

And what should I do?

You can not control her. You have to let go of any notion you have there that you can stop her from taking the path she is going to take.

Instead, listen to the experienced posters here and follow their advice...even if it's counterintuitive and seems scary. Focus 100% of your time and efforts on you and your daughter. Improve as a man. Be the best dad you can be. Detach from W and the notion that you being a married couple and nuclear family is the only way you can lead a happy life. Start getting yourself in better shape, more stylish clothing, practice attraction in interactions.

In essence, DB'ing.

She has a VERY close work friend (female) that she talks to daily, are extremely close, laugh a ton together, and I know they talk about personal and relationship stuff. They just really get each other I think.

Not sure about this same-sex relationship as an affair partner, unless you think your W might be into women. But definitely could be validating, encouraging, enabling W's bad behavior.

Do I think she turns to her for support and shares personal details about our relationship, yes I do. I don't know her well (met once) so she does not know me.

It could be very possible that not nice things are said about me from her end, especially when possibly the only accounts of me are when my wife reaches out to her for support for something I've done or our rough time, etc.

Very likely. And much of that could be lies. I know for a fact ExW told friends and family ridiculous lies about me. E.g., "he would've allow the kids to eat pancakes". I'm assuming to get them sympathetic to her "plight" and accept her having an affair and/or divorcing me.