What you are saying is really clicking with me now. Especially once I read Michele's last restore techniques.
Unfortunately what I've realized is that these past two months of me stressfully doing what I thought was working really hard, and maybe gaining some traction, was just doing all the things being perceived as pursuing/needy/desperate which just as the technique talks about has just led to withdrawing/shutting down/stonewalling. Lesson learned of course.
That said, my recent plea (that didn't work of course) before the official "I'm done with the relationship" was for her to give it through the holidays (Christmas and New Years) and really "try" with us to make things work for my daughters sake more than anything. Now I at least have a new strategy I can invoke here during this time since I'm respecting her decision that she's "done".
Here is a big question: We were supposed to have our couple counseling session today but it was canceled due to a family emergency of the counselor. He wants to reschedule next week. How should I navigate that if my wife still wants to go? Should I still attend? Or if I'm really following the process and going about my day and really "moving on" with my life, why would I do that? If the answer is no don't attend, what should my response to her be? Or is it an opportunity to still attend but not really talk about R stuff, any pressure, or trying to commit to dates and see where she is at?
Another question: There is a little bit of an internal struggle with this on doing what is right for my daughters sake as well, with holidays, group neighbor family gatherings, family couple outings, etc. For example, Wife says she is "done" but we were supposed to go to her families house for Thanksgiving activities this weekend. It's a bit awkward in general now of course, but me attending makes both parents present for the young one. Or again, if I'm really "moving on" with my life, because at her request she is "done" with the relationship do I say something like, you know I ended up making other plans this weekend with some old friends (which isn't really a lie and could be the case).
Lastly, LH19, on the affair discussion. She is on her phone a lot and is always close with a passcode, however, that has always been the case. Neither of us share our phones with the other, ever. No long visits to the bathroom. I'm really confident that there is no affair based on my methods as I also explored this before here. The only possible blind spot I have with timing, schedules, commitments is if she has something going on at her work that only ever stays at her work (never away from work). I think that is highly unlikely.
