IC was interesting. I did my basic 2 week recap, we talked about my thoughts on responding to the D papers and I told him I made the decision to stick it out and fight for my marriage. He commended me for the strength to do that, but also made it seem like I was an idiot for doing so.
Counsellors don’t tell you what you should do. Their job is to ask the questions you need to be asked so that YOU make the right decision.
Your counsellor is correct in that they are at least questioning the reasonableness of a decision to stay in a marriage purely to keep the kids happy.
Generally, that’s not a good idea. It leads to unhappy outcomes where both parents resent each other, and children who are exposed every day to a dysfunctional relationship.
I also hung in there and put up with a multitude of s*** behaviours to try and keep it on the rails for my kids. Now I’m divorced, my kids are much happier too.
The marriage is the over-arching principle and reason for a family. It should always be the number one priority, because if it’s healthy, then everything else (work, family, kids) generally looks after itself. Keeping a marriage going for kids alone is like putting a V8 engine in your car to go faster, when it has four bald tyres. Cart before horse.
Keep going to IC, even if you don’t agree with them sometimes. They’re supposed to challenge you and ask the hard questions.
