Wolfman moving forward 4

[Wolfman]

I think it's pretty simple - you need to step back and really think about what you want, both in terms of relationships with your children as well as in terms of a romantic partnership. Forget about her and her shenanigans - really focus on what YOU want. Once you get that figured out, you can then compare it to your present reality. You'll then know the next steps you need to take.

I'd also consult a father's rights lawyer to see where you stand, just as a point of information. We can't make the best decision without all the information needed.

When's your next couples' therapy session? Can you get an emergency session? Can you speak with the counselor individually? If you want gf to get out, can you say that in a therapy session and then work out in that session the steps that she needs to take to leave, including a time line. Can you also set up something so there's minimal chance of either of you acting out - a neutral third party, or someone who will act as a witness that there's no abuse going on as she leaves?

Does any of this make sense to you?

I really want it to work. I can’t imagine having 2 baby mamas and working out 2 schedules. I have a hard time of letting go. I try and I try and I try. Till I have nothing left to give.

Basically you told her to leave which means she will be taking the baby. May have not been the wisest move. You should have just held to your boundaries, had you son over, quite cleaning everything, etc. and if she didn’t like it, she could leave.

What an awful situation.

That probably would have been the best route to go. Just do my thing and if she was still not happy, she could just leave. My biggest problem in my life and it’s always been, I am very indecisive.

basically Wolfman, what I'm reiterating is that we cannot control anyone else, we can only control ourselves. Things have always worked out better for me when I've taken the other person out of the equation and focused on myself - my thoughts, actions, wants and needs.

In other words - instead of REacting to someone else's behavior, putting the focus back on myself affords me an opportunity to be PROactive about what my next steps in life should be.

I hope this helps.

A lot of times I only care how others feel. I hate making others feel bad or that I let them down. So a lot of times I just suck it up and worry about the other person.