Mike, we see a lot of these situations. Likely she is back because OM ended, not her. In other words you are plan B. She is not doing much to work on things because she is looking for her next plan A. It is all part of the WW playbook. You said she is depressed. She's likely going through withdrawals from OM. I know that stings to hear but it happened in my situation too.
If you're marriage was on solid ground and you started helping around the house then that would likely score points. Now it just makes you look desperate. Some would even say weak. For me, at a minimum, it isn't worthy of respect. And when it comes to WAWs/WWs commanding respect is the only way to become attractive to her again. And if you don't believe me then ask yourself how much OM was helping around the house during her PA? The answer is zero. You cannot do the dishes to a reconciliation.
Do what you want. But doing what comes natural and intuitively likely will get you back into another situation like before. Trying to fix every one of her "points of contention" will not work. Many LBSs have tried that approach only to end up D'd.
I'll shut up now. Others have your back here and I seemed to have upset you with my previous response. Everything I said there still applies. I did read your OP and many of the ones in between. I would just hate to see you become a Stepford husband when that has little chance of working.
Steve, you did not upset me in the least. I appreciate your advice. I just disagree with some things you said. She came when I gave her an ultimatum-end it with him or I’ll start divorce proceedings, and I meant it. She came home the next day. She wasn’t happy about it, cried like she lost a family member. Seeing that effing hurt, I wanted to tell her to leave again. Honestly, I’m just doing what seems right. At first I absolutely was trying to nice her back, but it became apparent pretty quickly she didn’t care. I get what you’re saying, I do. I’m trying yo GAL as much as possible and stop worrying what she thinks about me. If she doesn’t want me, I’m trying to be the man someone else will want. Funny thing, the OM is a scrawny little dork with no style. She should be embarrassed.
